UNIT The Mongol & The Signal Box.

Note: all tracks recorded under the names Academy 23 or UNIT are the property of DNA Records and protected by copyright, regardless of who wrote the works concerned. This is a track from Trains Run On My One Track Mind, our 55th album, recorded in 2025.

Toby Fuller is a Mongol. He is now 16,
fostered by old Father Wallace and his maid, Doreen.
He has a Hornby Double-O train set; it’s his pride and joy
so it’s a shame he is attracted to another boy.

We tried to steer him well away from all perversity
especially as the boy he fancied happened to be me.
Father Wallace tries to keep the boy away from sin
but frankly it is difficult to know where to begin.

I met him underneath the bridge that spans Rectory Lane
when he was bullied by 3 boys who love inflicting pain.
I charged at them and battered them all, much to my surprise.
Toby stood and stared at me, amazement in his eyes.

He promised to show me something I might like to see.
I followed him to satisfy my curiosity.
Inside the derelict signal box he lifted from the floor
a pornographic magazine – I hated what I saw!

Nearly naked teenage boys reclined on every page.
Why Toby thought I’d want to see this filth, I tried to gauge.
I told him I don’t fancy boys; I’m not that way inclined
and God knows what depravity occupies his mind.

When suddenly Susan and Barbara flung open the door,
they stared wide eyed in wonder and guffawed at what they saw:
me and Toby, side by side, clutching that magazine.
Susan said it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.

I tried to tell them they had made an obvious mistake,
that their interpretation was one they should never make
but they were unrepentant; they dismissed all that I said.
Besides, they much preferred to keep to their version instead.

By morning break in school the story spread throughout our year,
that Toby was a Mongol boy and he had turned me queer.
I realise poor Toby Fuller is not to blame
but I wish I’d never met him all the same.

I paid a visit to the priest to put his mind at rest,
to tell him what actually happened; I thought it best.
He believed me totally, I’m very pleased to say,
yet everyone in school is now convinced I’m really gay!

Andy Martin – Vocal, Hammond Organ, CS 80.
Rachel Greenberg – Alto Saxophone, Guitar, Vocal.
Keilan Knight – 5 String Bass Guitar, Guitar.
Karen Elliot – Drums, Vocal.

Text & Music – Andy Martin.

You may be interested in these other tracks by UNIT, all of which are available on our Rumble channel.

The Earth Is Finite.
Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes.
Osaka Boy.
Barbara’s Bridge.
A Study Of Alkaline Metals.
The 613 Mitzvot.
The Unwanted.
A Song For Eric Cooper.
Amery Hill School.
Realise Your Potential.
1985.
Resonance Rocks Out.
The 4th Horseman.
The Noahide Laws.
Hup Soon Heng.
Eagle.
When We Were Friends.

In addition we have 11 books available in PDF format free on request.

Chinese Cinema 1905 – 2005
The Essays – Articles, Essays & Monographs on science and culture
Not In Front Of The Children: A Study Of Grange Hill 1978 – 1993
Fast – Clean – Cheap (A Compendium)
Civil Disobedience – A Collection Of Short Stories For Children
Behind The Bike Shed – A Novel For Children
Grange Hill 1994 – 2008
The No Nation Interview
Birds, Bridges & Boys – Short Stories For Adults
Questo Temporis – Short Stories For Adults
School Report – A Novel For Adults