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"Ping v Benes": "Seinfeld" Plot Hole Resolution (In description)
For anyone who missed it in my blog from Feb 2023. Relatively speaking, the view counts are sufficient to continue sharing old skits, impressions, etc. 1 view = sufficiency. What did Joey Lauren Adams say in "Chasing Amy"?
"If I sell 2 copies, I feel like JOHN Grisham."
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I re-remembered a major plot hole in "Seinfeld" yesterday (2/22/23). I wasn't writing skits when I first noticed it. Ping and his relative (The Terminator), the attorney who rescinded her promise not to sue Elaine after she learned that the gang was a bunch of liars, never made it into the show. It concerns Elaine jaywalking, resulting in Ping being thrown from his bicycle while delivering food to Jerry's apartment. I'm skipping the formalities of the court coming to session, and opening with elements that won't waste anyone's time.
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Jackie: "I bet you didn't have a horn on that bicycle. I'd like to remind you that you're under oath, and this jury wants to know about that horn. Do you,,, or do you not... have a horn?"
Ping: "I have horn."
Jackie: "Installed at the time of the incident?"
Ping: "Yes."
Jackie: "I see. And how were you carrying the Chinese take-out?"
Ping's counsel: "Objection, Your Honor. Badgering the witness with the style of cuisine, utterly irrelevant to the case."
Jackie: "Your Honor? I have, at my disposal, one Cosmo Kramer, who will testify to Chinese style pea pods, salvaged from the bicycle accident, in... no less... than a funky container."
Judge: [Turns to Ping] "Do you use those oddly shaped boxes for your take-out?"
Ping: "Yes, Your Honor."
Judge: "Overruled. Will the plaintiff's counsel stipulate that the eyewitness testimony of Mr. Kramer is no longer essential to the case?"
Ping's counsel: "Yes, Your Honor."
Judge: "Mr. Chiles, you may proceed."
Jackie: "Mr. Ping? Do you have a rack to accommodate those funky boxes?"
Ping: "No. They fall over."
Jackie: "So how do you carry the bags full of food?"
Ping: "In hand."
Jackie: "Mmm hmm. I see. A horn can't be honked with the hand holding the bag, nor the hand steering the bicycle. Do you have a third arm, because I don't see any more arms. Kindly stand up to show the ladies and gentlemen of the jury how many arms you got."
[Ping stands up. Jury gasps at the average quantity of arms.]
Jackie: "Your Honor? A bicyclist cannot legally drive with one hand for an entire trip, never mind no hands on the grips to honk a horn at a pedestrian crossing where it is ACTUALLY safer, in being able to ensure that no motorists are nearby. Have you ever heard a bicycle comin'?! I've never heard a bicycle comin'! One simply cannot hear a bicycle comin'!
Judge: "You're out of order, Mr. Chiles."
Jackie: "My apologies, Your Honor, but may I get a dismissal?"
Judge: "Please?"
Jackie: "Please, what?"
Judge: "You're flirting with contempt, Mr. Chiles, by not addressing me properly, among other things. I want you to ask, 'Please?'"
Jackie: "What kind of court is this?! My politeness, or lack thereof, does not decide the fate of this case!"
Judge: "You're spending the night in jail, Mr. Chiles, but the case against Elaine Benes is dismissed."
Elaine: "We won, Jackie! We actually won... against The Terminator!"
Jackie: "Whoop-dee-doo, Ms. Benes. Do you know what jail is like? Have you met with clients in jail? 'Cause I've met with clients in jail. I know the nature of jail. It's odoriferous, obnoxious... CONTEMPTUOUS!
Judge: Bailiff, please escort Mr. Chiles to our holding room for transfer to County.
Bailiff: "Yes, Your Honor."
Jackie: [Cuffed] "This was a victory, but yet, still, one of my many public humiliations."
Bailiff: "Yeah, yeah. Tell it to your cell mate."
Jackie: "Cell mate?! That's another humiliation! Semi-private, but humiliating by any measure. Uncomfortable, intolerable... Unconscionable!"
[Bailiff shakes head]
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