Alternate Ending to "Cooties" (In Description)

Below the script is my rebuttal to the 10 minutes of Winter Beanie Boy that I watched today.

From March 4, 2022 (Preface with script below)
I watched "Cooties" starring Rainn Wilson yesterday. He has a great role, but so much more could have been done to add comedy to the conclusion. The denouement is the cinematographic equivalent of a slow leaking car tire, utterly bereft of humor value. It was clear that the director's goal of leaving the story open for a sequel was given greater weight than memorable storytelling.

First of all, I'd have had the tainted chicken limited only to the focal grammar school due to a largely successful recall effort. Global and national zombie infestation have been done to death. Then, the protagonists could have retaliated in ways that didn't allow for any confirmation of mind-body altering disease until the autopsies a day or so later. There would have been such a wealth of dark humor potential in the police and parents blaming the teachers for the kids' deaths, including some parents continuing to remain in denial of the coroner's findings once the suspects were exonerated.

Irate father: "My baby girl would never help in quartering an assistant principal! Find the demonic math teacher who thinks that's an appropriate visual aid for learning fractions!"

Gang of grieving parents [In unison]: "YEAH!"

Irate father: "WAIT! Why wasn't he arrested, too?!"

Gang of grieving parents [In unison]: "Maybe he went home early. Some kindergarten teachers only have AM classes."

Irate father: "Did you prepare a series of potential scripts, and are you hand signaling for cueing?!"

Gang of grieving parents [In unison]: "Yes."

Irate father: "Well, stop it! You're freakin' me out!"

Gang of grieving parents, singing:
[Bass] "That's not very nice!"
[Baritone] "That's not very nice!"
[Tenor] "That's not very nice!"
[Harmonizing with lead singer] "THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!"

Irate father: "You're not really parents, ARE YOU?!"

Bass: "No. Do you realize how few massacres there are, and how difficult it is in these trying economic times to broaden the public exposure of a barbershop quartet?"

Same father, but not so irate: "Let me get this straight... You're pretending to be grieving parents to get gigs? Huh... I must say... I work in marketing, and I'd never in a million years have thought that one, such as myself, catching wind of a grammar school slaying with my own daughter as one of the victims, could be distracted by something else, and so insignificant to boot, less than 15 minutes later. I'm impressed, but still adequately disturbed. Nonetheless, I'm in charge of a festival this weekend to help rebuild the reputation of the chicken processing plant in the wake of this tragedy. I believe you gentlemen possess the vibrancy that this community needs to put this unfortunate incident behind us. Are you in?!"

Quartet:
[Bass] "Cha!"
[Baritone] "Cha!"
[Tenor] "Cha!"
[Harmony] "CHING!"

Father: "What?! I'm afraid you're mistaken. The appearance is on a volunteer basis. The chicken plant won't be able to pay you any money because I'm suing them for everything they've got."

Baritone: "Can't YOU pay us?"

Father: "I already told you I couldn't, as their marketing director."

Baritone: "You as the father, then."

Father: "You're going to take financial advantage of a man who just lost his daughter?! How dare you?! I'm going to see to it that you never work in this town again!"

Tenor: "We're traveling troubadours. We've never worked the same town twice."

Father: "I could make some calls. What are your next few stops?"

Tenor: "We'd rather not say."

Father: "What's the name of your group?"

Baritone: "We'd rather not say."

Father: Then what are your individual names?!"

Bass: "I'm Ed."

Father: "Why didn't you prefer to rather not say, and why weren't your fellow troupe members singing as a build toward a harmony, as another bit?"

Bass: "I only provided my first name, so you still don't know who I am, officially. Do you think we're some sort of joke?! This is our livelihood! How dare you?!"

Father: "How dare me?! You're pretending to be parents to profit from a massacre of tiny children?!"

Bass: "You were impressed a moment ago."

Father: "No, I wasn't! I made it quite clear that I was impressed by your ability to distract me, not your motivations!"

Bass: "Oh, sorry. So does your wife enjoy barbershop quartets?"

Father: "I believe she does, but why do you ask?"

Bass: "Maybe she could pay us for the company picnic. If you don't have a joint checking account, that wouldn't affect you at all, financially."

Father: "She lost a daughter, too, you bastards!"

Bass: "Has she heard the news yet?"

Father: "Good grief! Are you suggesting what I suspect you're suggesting?! That she'll be happy to hire you in advance of learning that her daughter is dead?!"

Lead singer: "Could we please speak to you wearing the marketing director hat again?"

Father: "The marketing director would like to shake your hands for persistence, but the father would like to kick all your butts. A hand is about to be extended for a hearty shake, but I can't guarantee how long it will be before the fists and feet of fury make an entrance."

Bass: "He's not all there!"
Baritone: "Call in the priest!"
Tenor: "Head spinning round!"
Harmony: "Vomits pea soup!"

[Father / marketing director turns head skyward and screams intensely before collapsing in exhaustion and being transported to an inpatient psych ward.]

*********

I only watched 10 minutes of Winter Beanie Boy's live podcast. No, he's quite wrong about those who deny the reality of demonic possession, because belief in such things is false division of Consciousness. When you fall asleep and have a good time in another context, are you possessing anyone? No. Are you being possessed when you black out and do things you wouldn't normally do? No.

Depression, whether short or long term, regardless of whether it's rooted in toxic emotion, alone, or chemically induced, is negative self definition to the point of unhealthy detachment from one's perspective. Who takes over? You, but from a parallel perspective involving vast differences in compartmentalized memory and imposition of amnesia. Dis-association is just THAT good, making it seem like division. Do happy, healthy representatives of Consciousness take over during pathological detachment? No. Those who live and sleep well have no reason to dissociate or dabble in "magick". It's completely understandable that the speech and / or behavior ranges anywhere from goofy to malevolent.

Why do some "exorcism" experiencers recover? Is it because demons got sent back to hell by some words and crucifixes treated as shields? Hahaha! Odds are that a family seeking the help of a priest has / had a religious background, so that rare house call would make someone feel awfully special. If one were to take a poll of those who've undergone exorcism, the percentage of dominant extroverts would likely be off the charts. Pursuit of external validation is a figurative demon, which explains why there are so often repeat rituals. Finding something that the person enjoys doing, while lucid, and indulging occupational therapy strikes me as the wisest route to recovery, not a bunch of God vs Satan babble.