Offense for Conflict – Part 2

Offense for Conflict – Part 2

By Pastor Gary Wayne

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus covered areas that are heard for the flesh to understand, but His teaching is focused on my heart, not the letter of the law.
In this sermon, He gives me an offense to help me battle conflict.

When we experience conflict, we have 3 options.
1. We can terminate the relationship.
2. We can also try to return as if nothing happened.
3. We can follow Mat.5, – resolve the problem with the person.

Text: Matthew 5:23-24, Ephesians 4:26-32

Jesus says if I know someone has a problem with me, I need go to them work towards unity.
But there are right and wrong ways to approach this.

This scripture is not saying I should go and set people straight.
Sometimes I should not go to the other person and tell them the offence I have with them.
If something happens and I take offense towards someone, mostly I need to deal with that before God and not go to them to explain what they did wrong.

1 Co13:5 Love “… is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” NIV
“…is not easily irritated or quick to take offense.” PT
Jam.1:19 we should be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
This issue is more about me, and a heart I need to submit to God, not them.

If going to someone and explaining stuff will damage relationships, then it’s probably not God asking me to go.

The wording in Mat.5:23 is, if when I’m in God’s presence to worship, and I “remember that my brother has something against” me - then I need to take steps to go to them and work towards unity.

Before I contact them, I NEED to spend time with Father to check my heart to see if I am being moved by flesh, or by the Holy Spirit.
“God search my heart. Do I have any wicked way in me?”( Psa.139:23-24)

Then when I go, I go with a heart of humility, with tears in my eyes because of my part that has brought division instead of unity.
They may have did everything wrong, and I was totally in the right, but if my heart operates in pride, I’m in the wrong before God.
Remember Jesus was teaching a heart thing.

In contacting them, start with something like: “Can we get together? I have some heart things I am working though, and I’m aware of tension between us, and I want God to work unity in our lives.”

If you set a time, set quality time and place so you can visit.
Not 5 min. before church - Not at the restaurant where everyone in the room can listen.

My goal is NEVER to tell them what they did wrong, or to correct them.
My goal is to own my stuff. I don’t drop a bomb then leave.
I am not Perry Mason, getting a case strategy for my court room argument in place.

Use wording that talks about how you feel, VS “when you did that, you make me mad.”
Use "I" statements to share your perspective and feelings without attaching blame.
“When such and such happened, I felt….” (hurt, angry, frustrated, misunderstood)

Avoid statements of extreme: "You never listen to me," “You always,” “You make me…”

Don’t use this time to explain to them why your reasoning was right.
Our knee-jerk reaction is to justify my actions.
Jam. 4:10 “Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.”
If you lift yourself, that’s pride, and it doesn’t lift, it lowers.

A MAJOR goal of communication is LISTENING.
The goal is not to be understood, but to understand. (if you understood, you would agree with me)
So give the other person a chance to tell their side of the conflict completely.
Relax and listen; try to learn how the other person feels.

Don’t attach your assumptions and judgements.

1Co.1:10 “… live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.” NLT
Eph 4:3 “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” NIV
Phi 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Mt 20:26 "… but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant.
1Co 10:24 Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well -being.
Colossians 3:13-15 Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.