The Word, Series 3, Episode 13 05/02/93

The Word – Series 3, Episode 13 (5 Feb 1993)

A night of poetry, pugilism, porn… and a didgeridoo solo nobody ordered.

We open with Oui 3 Three giving “For What It’s Worth” the earnest sixth-form treatment—perfect if you like your protest songs with extra fog machine. Then in glides Chris Eubank, dressed like he’s late for a fox hunt on the moon: riding boots, breeches, braces, the lot. He radiates calm, apologises to Nigel Benn for… whatever, and informs us he doesn’t follow fashion because he is fashion. (Somewhere a tailor whispers, “Okay, king.”)

Cut to Terry in Los Angeles for the Big Hair Pageant, where self-esteem is measured in cubic metres of hairspray and the official fragrance is “Constantly Caramel,” which sounds like a dessert that files for a restraining order. Terry gets a wig big enough to affect the tides and asks if it will make him taller. “Yes,” say the clouds.

Whiplash time: a whirlwind tour of Hollywood porn.

A gossip guru lists A-listers who “support the arts” one lap dance at a time.

Chi Chi LaRue credits Madonna with making desire legal.

Ex-Jesus-now-director Paul Thomas barks directions that are 70% verbs Ofcom won’t print.

History lesson: the Traci Lords scandal and the home-video flood of cheap, nasty movies.

Glow-up: glossy “high-budget hardcore” starring Janine Lindemulder, who cheerily admits she tried something yesterday she swore she wouldn’t. (Rhymes with “trap-on.”) Her review of porn: “It’s for porn. If you want plot, go to a film.” Pulitzer stuff.

Back in studio, Eubank is asked for a take. He declines with the serene moral gravity of a man who eats quinoa with tweezers: “Do the right thing.” Also: no posing for Playgirl. That’s Benn’s ministry.

Somewhere between segments, a didgeridoo cover of Led Zeppelin happens, like a prophecy in a pub quiz, and we preview a new Levi’s ad because culture.

Live acts, unbreak the spell:

Rage Against the Machine set the amps to “riot police.”

Final score: One gentleman boxer in jodhpurs, one hair tornado, one porn TED Talk, two bands, and a denim commercial. Tasteless? Often. Tireless? Absolutely. 1993? More than you can possibly imagine.