Mirth Inspectors (Covid Marshalls?) The Goodies Rule UK Christmas special 1974

5. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY
(by Brett Allender)

https://www.goodiesruleok.com/articles.php?id=269

GOODIES RULE - OK

Special
First screened: 21st December 1975

PLOT

A Pathe News presentation from 1961 highlights the exciting young stars of the era, including Cliff Richard, Cilla Black and the Bay City Rollers (a bunch of 5 tiny babies in nappies!) and also features an up-and-coming group performing at a Liverpool nightclub which have agents flocking to see them. The Bootles (featuring the three Goodies and a wooden dummy as George!) are singing 'She Loves You', but are soon pelted with vegetables by the unimpressed agents and walk away in despair, ditching their jackets, black mop top wigs and music sheets (including 'Eleanor Rigby' by Graeme Garden!) as they leave. Four other Liverpool lads step forth from the audience, don the jackets and wigs and soon dazzle the hysterical crowds of teenagers as The Beatles.

It is a similar story in 1968 with the Goodies pelted and booed off the stage as the Confirmed Batchelors, only for the Batchelors to find fame and fortune shortly afterwards and again in 1970 when the Extremes in their flowing wigs and gold sequinned dresses bomb out singing 'Baby Love' while the Supremes get all of the glory soon afterwards. In 1974, they don't even get any further than announcing themselves as "the three..." before getting pelted and booed and they soon find themselves down and out on 'Skid Row' with other washed up acts (like the two Gumbies - John and Eric! - rummaging in a bin and Ravi the babbling Indian sitar player) and lament that they are years ahead of their time and that the public are only interested in easy ripoffs rather than genuine talent.

However Graeme stumbles upon the secret ingredients for a successful supergroup, which consists of trademark items from various entertainers and rock groups and in no time, the Goodies stage the concert of the millenium at Wembley stadium. So many extra police have been hired to control the crowd that no one else can fit inside, so the Goodies perform a psychedelic rendition of 'Wild Thing' to an audience of screaming, crying, hysterical, dope smoking coppers! The Goodies are finally a smash and fill the top 10 with a string of hit songs (plus some very groovy photos) and rake in the dough in the process, although at the same time Britain sinks further into crisis as trade figures worsen, the pound falls and people look more and more depressed by the day.

Despite this, the Goodies are to receive their long awaited OBE's for services to the music industry from the Queen in a garden party at Buckingham Palace. Despite the rising water levels from the torrential rain and the tears of the miserable suffering dignitaries, the cheerful Goodies row out of the palace gates only to be collared by a submerged Prime Minister (with his pipe sticking out of the water to aid his breathing) who appoints them as pop group laureate and urges them to cheer up their miserable countrymen.

The Goodies achieve this by encouraging everyone to "Bounce For Britain" and everything from knockers to nobility soon bounces along to this infectious tune. However the whole country rapidly goes bonkers over bouncing, including the host of the Nationwide Crisis Edition (despite him being tied to his chair in desperation!) and after the Prime Minister yells "I give up!" and bounces off a building, the whole nation has to go to the polls. The appeal of the Goodies-led Bouncing Party has waned, as older folk support the Waltzers and a few voters even fancy the extremist strutting Max Walling and McKenzie Square Dancing parties. Eventually with Bouncing Party supporters finding it difficult to fill out the ballot papers while on the move, there is a landslide victory to the Standing Party, whose politicians look suspiciously like wooden dummies in pinstripe suits and bowler hats.

The town crier soon reads out a parliamentary edict which bans all bouncing, funky chickening and enjoyment of any sort and makes it an offence for anyone to have fun anymore. The streets are policed by the dreaded Mirth Inspectors; hooded, black garbed, baton wielding thugs on horseback who clobber puppeteers, burst kids balloons and harass anyone who is having a good time in their bid to 'Keep Britain Gloomy'. However there is an uprising in nearby Sherwood Forest and the Robin Hood-like Goodies ride about on their trandem and entertain people with various circus and magic acts, which leads to prohibition where the fun laws are tightened even further. The 'unmentionables' are not to be denied though and after they cause havoc with the St.Valentines Day custard pie massacre, they seek refuge in underground 'joke-easys' and gradually round up all of the banned entertainers (although they have the eminently good sense and taste to leave Tony Blackburn behind on the street!)

Following a vote of no confidence, the government is toppled (as wooden dummies tumble over like dominoes) and the Entertainers Party is set to govern, except for one major hitch. Because they have spent so long in hiding, all of the old stars have forgotten how to do their acts and despite some expert reminders from Graeme's brilliant mimicry, they are utterly useless. As an interim measure, a puppet government is set up (with Sooty as the new Prime Minister!), but his prefence for playing the xylophone on Nationwide rather than discussing political issues, followed by a rowdy nursery room-style scrap among the puppets in parliament forces the Goodies (who are watching a tv set imbedded in a tree in the woods) to venture to the country mansion Chequers to sort things out.

After they avoid security (Punch and Judy atop a barn door), the Goodies storm the Cabinet room and Tim lectures the puppets for behaving badly, only to come under attack from all directions by enraged puppet politicians. The Goodies escape through a window and flee into the spacious gardens, but the pigs set off an alarm and giant Andy Pandy puppets soon lope after them. Tim pulls out his conveniently carried makeup kit and he, Bill and (an embarrassed-looking!) Graeme paint themselves up and dance along with the puppets until Graeme can't resist the temptation to punch the tripe out of them. Tim rests on a rubbish bin and is dragged inside by a huge green monster, after which there are chomping noises and a huge burp and Tim emerges with a piece of green fur in his mouth!

Meanwhile Bill is surrounded by a pack of wrestling Wombles and Graeme has been trapped by Bill and Ben the flowerpot men. He and Tim grab swords and engage in a lengthy duel with Bill and Ben, which they eventually win as they cut the puppet's strings (apart from one hand which jousts with Graeme until he pushes its sword into the ground!) and then dismantle the pots. Just as they triumphantly finish, they are startled by a loud cry of "WEEEED!!" as Little Weed shoots up out of a nearby pot, but a brutal swish of the sword soon shuts it up. After they finally take care of the flowerpot men and the Wombles, the Goodies think that they are safe, however a giant Dougal dog from 'The Magic Roundabout' emerges and crashes through the trees after them (giving Graeme a rather hair-raising ride), then Zebedee (a monster moustachioed spring-mounted jack-in-the-box) bounces after them (and nearly claims Tim's crown jewels as a prize!).

The Goodies flee into a manhole just as a berserk Dougal crashes round and round through the walls of Chequers and Zebedee does a similar demolition job on the roof (with Sooty and the other puppets trapped at the window inside), as rubble crashes down and water spurts everywhere. The Goodies emerge unscathed and tune into the news bulletin to find that there has been a coup and that the three major party leaders have agreed to form a coalition government. The three are all caricatures of puppets dancing, with the Goodies then pictured standing above the set pulling on the strings!

CLASSIC QUOTES

* Tim: "Now look, I know all of you puppets were only trying to help, but I'm afraid that you got out of hand ...!"

(NOTE: The apparent lack of 'classic quotes' is mostly due to the unique style of the episode, as much of it is narrated with accompanying visual scenes or music clips and as such, the visuals provide the major bulk of the action and humour. Even the section where Graeme mimics the various entertainers is more amusing for the way he does it rather than for what he actually says.)