Verstitution Pt13

Pt12: https://rumble.com/v6xr50q-verstitution-pt12.html / 11: v6xmsci-verstitution-pt11.html / 10: v6xl4ii-verstitution-pt10.html / 9: v6xkkis-verstitution-pt9.html / 8: v6xax6u-verstitution-pt8.html / 6: https://rumble.com/v6x4cf2-verstitution-pt6.html

Ernest: [Gulps] "Uh, yes, actually. I believe I'm in the beginning stage of seeing Claudia."

[Madison bursts into a fit of laughter and smacks Ernest's belly with the back of her right hand.]

Ernest: [Bewildered] "What?"

Madison: "I was joking about hitting on you, you big oaf."

Ernest: [Shrugging and nodding] "Oh. Right. Naturally."

Madison: "That was sweet what you said about me, though. Thank you."

Ernest: "You're quite welcome, Madison. It was my honest assessment."

Madison: "Honest assessment? Good job killing the vibe. I wouldn't say anything like that to Claudia, or much of anything for that matter: not tonight."

Ernest: "Why not?"

Madison: "She's feeling vulnerable. You already knew that from the way I teased her. There's a time to let things cool off, and this is one of those times. She needs to sleep on what happened... in the nude."

Ernest: [Intrigued] "Why in the nude?"

Madison: Duh?! Because she only agreed to 1 set of PJs, and wouldn't want them all sweaty and smelly at breakfast."

Ernest: "There's an appealing mental image... and odor. You sure like to turn the tables."

Madison: "Yeah, I do. People are more fun to be around when they're kept guessing."

Ernest: "Okay, so I'm gonna make the delivery. Are you going back upstairs?"

Madison: "No. I'm heading back to the bar to see if I can drum up more business for my site."

Ernest: "That shouldn't be a problem, especially not at a hotel like this."

Madison: "Why's that?"

Ernest: "Plenty of wealthy men, away on business, with trophy wives they no longer respect. And the unencumbered spectacle that is your shirt."

Madison: "Ah! Excellent!"

Ernest: "I figured as much. Goodnight and happy hunting."

Madison: "Thanks. You should call Claudia first, Ernest, to let her know that you're on the way, but don't be all wordsy again, like you were in court the other day."

Ernest: [Smirking] "Yeah, thanks. I will... and won't."

[The following morning, just after 7:30AM, Claudia spots Ernest at one of the dining room tables. Madison is unavoidably detained by an act of make-up application that must rival the splendor of her newly acquired little black dress.]

Ernest: "Ah! Good morning, Claudia!"

Claudia: "Good morning, Ernest. Why were you so curt with me last night when you delivered my PJs?"

Ernest: "Uh... Madison warned me that you probably wouldn't be in much of a mood for chatting after the phone confrontation."

Claudia: "Understood. I had no reason to be mad at you, but it was an unusually disturbing ending to what had been an otherwise delightful evening."

Ernest: "You found Officer Garfield delightful, too, huh?"

[Claudia suffers a fit of laughter.]

Claudia: "Thank you, Ernest. I needed that. I suspect that the other diners who were glaring at me, only seconds ago, needed it, too, but that may not dawn on them until they're in a hospital bed having CNAs do nearly everything for them, some time prior to the institution of palliative care."

Ernest: "Quite right. Did you want to grab plates and get started, or should we wait for Madison?"

Claudia: "I think it would be polite to wait, but we could at least grab some coffee."

Ernest: "You drink coffee on an empty stomach? Let's at least grab a piece of toast as a buffer for the acidity. Madison will understand."

Claudia: "I doubt it."

Ernest: "You doubt WHAT? The ill effects of coffee on an empty stomach, or Madison's ability to control her temper?"

Claudia: "The latter. You go ahead and get a piece of toast. I'll just take some extra cream. If she sees me eating without her, she's going to find some reason to make a villain out of me, to even the score."

Ernest: "I'd say you've got a decent handle on Madison's psyche, but we probably shouldn't be talking about it. She's my client, and I'm starting to think of her as more of a friend after yesterday."

Claudia: "Agreed. How did you sleep?"

Ernest: "Well enough. Those pillow top beds are extraordinarily comfortable. How about you?"

Claudia: "Oh, you're not kidding... Those beds are luxurious. I slept like a baby."

[Madison steps into the dining room area, with Ernest having unobstructed visibility of the entrance.]

Ernest: "Oh! Here comes Madison."

[Claudia turns around and notes that the thread count for the LBD is even lower than her t-shirt from the prior evening, and she has nothing underneath.]

Claudia: [Whispering at Ernest] "Oh, my God."

Ernest: [Wiping beads of sweat from his brow] "Seconded."

Ernest: "Should we tell her?"

Claudia: "Do you really think that she isn't aware after that shirt she wore last night, following dinner?"

Ernest: "Maybe, maybe not. I didn't see inside the dressing room at the clothing store, and how this environment differs from a bathroom, I couldn't tell you. I've never been in that situation, as a guy, trying to figure out whether my suitcoat and slacks were see-thru."

Claudia: "Guys are so lucky that way."

Ernest: "True, but we better decide fast whether it's going to be us telling her, 1 or more diners, or a manager. Uh, too late."

[Ernest sees that Madison is within earshot and makes eye contact with her, smiling.]

Ernest: "Good morning, Madison."

Madison: "Hi, Ernest. Hi, Claudia."

Claudia: "Hello, Madison. Sorry I hung up on you last night. I overreacted."

Madison: "That's okay. I go too far with my jokes sometimes."

Claudia: "We were just about to get some coffee and grab a plate. Did you wa..."

[The manager approaches and interrupts.]

Manager: [Looking sternly at Madison] "We've been getting some complaints, Miss."

Madison: "About?"

Manager: "The tray filled with home fries."

Madison: "What's that got anything to do with me?!"

Manager: "You didn't let me finish. Our short-order cook literally drooled into the tray when he saw you walking in, wearing that dress. There were witnesses at the buffet who saw him, and then you."

Madison: "If he can't keep his mouth shut, that's not my problem."

[The other patrons have taken notice of the confrontation, and the men at various tables are seeing the cook's point. They're seen and heard being loudly slapped by their wives at many a booth and table.]

Manager: "Could you please accompany me into the lobby, Miss?"

Madison: "Why?"

[The manager leans in to whisper in Madison's ear, and she suspects that he's making a move on her. She kicks him in the groin, quite forcefully, then, for good measure, whacks his nose with her right knee. He collapses, is possibly dead, and certainly in need of rhinoplasty and two ice packs, should he survive.]

Madison: "Bastard!"

Ernest: "Wow! That just happened. What's your professional opinion as a peace officer, Claudia?"

Claudia: "Shwew! Well, he didn't make his intentions clear upon leaning in, so I'd say Madison's in the clear, but I firmly believe that we're in for yet another encounter with the law."

Ernest: "You think it'll be Garfield?"

Claudia: "Don't even kid about that."

[Ernest scans the dining room.]

Ernest: "Did anybody call an ambulance yet?! Anyone here happen to be a doctor?!"

[The diners are still in shock from Madison's virtual nudity, and the brutal attack left them frozen like deer in headlights.]

Ernest: "Okay! I'll call 'em!"

Claudia: "I'll check his pulse."

Fellow Diner: "I'm a doctor. We need to get the swelling down on that man's nose. Could somebody fetch a bag of peas from the freezer?"

Claudia: "That's not necessary."

F.D.: "Excuse me?! Who's the doctor here?! Are you a doctor?! Because I'm a doctor!"

Claudia: "I'm a police officer."

F.D.: "Well, la dee da! Step aside so I can fully examine this man!"

Claudia: "Also not necessary."

F.D.: "Who are you to question my medical expertise?! You could be arrested for preventing me from administering first aid!"

Claudia: "No, I couldn't."

F.D.: "Why not?!"

Claudia: "This man's dead. I'm fully qualified to check pulses."

F.D.: "Uh, wow... Yes, but please step aside so that I might verify?"

Claudia: "Certainly."

[The doctor puts his hand to the manager's wrist, and then his neck.]

F.D.: "Yep. He's gone."

[Claudia looks to the doctor, somberly. Madison is beginning to panic.]

Madison: "Oh, my God! What have I done?!"

[The doctor looks over at Madison and begins to open his mouth.]

Ernest: "Doc? Please? Rhetorical."

[Madison buries her face in her hands, crying... terrified about her fate.

While everyone at and near Ernest and Claudia's table has turned attention away from the crime scene, someone is heard saying, "Aaaah! By dothe! Ad by duth!"

Ernest, Claudia, Madison, and the doctor swivel their heads slowly back to the floor, as if nearly paralyzed.]

Claudia: "You're alive?!"

Manager: "Wud?! I deed thub ithe, oa sub fwozid peathe, pweathe, ad sub athetamidophid. Extwah stwigth."

F.D.: "You were dead! I checked your pulse on yuh..."

[The doctor faints and falls backwards, flat as a board, smacking the back of his head against the tile.

Ernest scans the dining room again.]

Ernest: "Is there another doctor present, who doesn't faint due to firsthand witness of Lazarus Syndrome?!"

Manager: "Wathawuth Thidwobe?! Do you weawithe how widicuuth you thoud?!"

[Madison's tears turn to laughter.

Claudia quickly steps toward the doctor to see if he's okay.]

Manager: "Hey?! Who'the gettig doze peathe, ad dat extwa stwigth athetamidophid? I'b id a watt of paid!"

Claudia: "He's dead."

Manager: "Wiw you thut up about dat?! I'b dot! [Waving arms around frantically.] Thee?!"

Claudia: "No, you fool! The doctor's dead?"

Madison: [Futilely attempting to lighten the mood] "Any chance that Lazarus Syndrome is contagious?"

Ernest: "I can't speak for the rest of you, but I'm kinda hoping that the symptoms are fleeting."

Manager: [Rolling eyes] "Vewy fuddy."

[No one responds to Ernest's inquiry requesting medical assistance. An ambulance siren is heard approaching, and the head chef, not knowing the full scope of the situation, secretly called the police.

The manager looks at Madison again. His memory of the last several minutes is more than a little hazy.]

Manager: "Thay? Dat'th a wiwy dice dweth!"