Internal > External: Calming the Chaos Within.

My name is Cole Grace. I had a difficult early childhood from 0-4 and my parents divorced when I was four. I was never physically or sexually abused and never lost anyone tragically so I didn't think that I had childhood trauma or that it affected anything in my adult life.

I joined the Army National Guard and went to Iraq as a combat engineer responsible for IED route clearance and convoy security in 2005. I was attached to multiple units and low ranking because I got in trouble for smoking weed so I got the worst of the worst jobs. I learned how to repress my emotions in the moment so again I didn't think it affected me.

I finally started working on and accepting that I had trauma from my combat experience. I worked on that went back to school and ended up getting a high paying job for the government in 2012. I thought that meant that I was healed.

I started having stomach episodes while in Iraq and would go to the emergency room after returning to the United States in 2006. Around the time I was working for the government (2012) was the opioid crisis and when I went to the hospital they wouldn't give me pain medicine anymore so I self medicated and eventually became addicted to opiates in 2015. It wasn't until I went to rehab in 2017 that I learned about childhood trauma, EMDR, and some other stuff.

After 9 days in rehab I started reading self-help books and books about trauma. I started trying different healing modalities and eventually putting together the outline for this book.

I wrote 80% of the book in like 5 months but life circumstances combined with negative self-talk and fear of being vulnerable made me shelf the book for 5 years. I got divorced, and when I started writing the book again it only took me 3 months to finish it. I had to push through a lot of fear, justifications, and excuses to publish this book but I did it.

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