Grateful

Let’s stay with the pain. Don’t try to fix it or get rid of it—stay with it. Allow the pain to be. Helplessness. Things have changed. Whatever the reason, what was is no longer here. There were many beautiful and wonderful times—love, kindness and joy—all of that happened, and now it is not here, it’s gone. We can invent reasons for why it happened and what lessons we can learn. That can help, but for now, I invite you to stay with this loss. Because it’s important to grieve.

It often takes a long time to process loss, especially for men, to admit that lack, that emptiness before us, That in front of us, and longing to love. It’s hard because it’s soft. That’s where we are vulnerable. We can use many words, but the invitation here is to feel.

Here, we recognize the field in which we are in—the Spirit. Use whatever word works for you: Holy Spirit, God, Allah. We acknowledge That, the immense force that moves us and moves through us. It has brought us together in this moment.

We all have a past and a path, and yet here we meet now. There is an emptiness between us. In that emptiness something is alive—Life itself. There are many aspects to Life: longing and love, for example. There may be a fear of being hurt again, or vulnerability. Sometimes it is simply pain. Pain takes time, and it’s easy to brush it aside and tell yourself, “I’ll move on.”

Physically, we do move on. But inside, we are changed by the experience. It has been a part of our lives. The invitation is to feel it, experience it, and allow that Great Ocean—the Great Unknown, the Great Mystery—to move us. This requires surrender, which is difficult for men. However, the bravest act of courage we can do is to stand before the force greater than us and say, “Please, I have no idea what to do next."

“I can't fight anymore. What used to work doesn’t work anymore. I need help. I need guidance. I don’t need any more theories, concepts, achievements, or goals. I tried all of that, and it got me to this point.” This is why we connect—because it is much easier to bear this aliveness together. Being alive, at this moment, can feel like having a tooth with an exposed nerve. Sometimes the nerve must be removed and a crown placed. It’s a painful process. And it is not just the removal—afterward, there is emptiness.

To devalue what happened would be counterproductive because it would simply return in another form, with a different face and name. Honour what happened and those who were part of it, and say thank you. Feel gratitude in your heart. That is how you release and let go. They may not have respected you, but you can respect them—not for what they did or didn’t do, but for the life you lived and the years you shared. Then forget the mistakes. Be kind.

When we experience massive change—especially prolonged change, it often becomes a matter of survival. Give it time and try not to keep returning to it. Distracting yourself can be effective because healing begins in the background. The longer you have been exposed to it, the more time you need to let it be. If you dive into the vortex now, it may be too much and you might drown there. Let’s not dive in now. Let’s focus on what works for you right now. You have found what works. When something isn’t right, ask for help. Check in with yourself. Remember that everyone is in a different place, both physically and emotionally.

For you, it may be important not to dwell on that pain. For someone else, however, it may be important to feel it because the experience of it may be smaller and more manageable. We need to be mindful of what you and others need. Remember that this can change quickly, which is why it is an ongoing dialogue. When it changes, you know where to come. I am here. Others join this space. We have three sessions every day.

What sets these meetings apart is the explicit acknowledgment of a wider holon: the Great Ocean. This is the Great Mystery. When there is emptiness, it can be filled. It’s spiritual, not religious.

Let’s stop. This is the heart. You touched the heart. Let’s be very gentle. Stay with That and what just happened, and we’ll meet again next time. You know where to come. Thank you for your openness.