Is that fear? Regaining Self-Awareness and Weight Loss Progress

I’m continuing to exercise and push myself to become stronger both physically and mentally. I have been through a lot in my life, and regardless as to whether I’m aware of it, it has shaped me. I survived abhorrent treatment within the medical system and have a lot of trauma throughout my life. It’s easy for me to become scared, but the funny thing is that I don’t recognize it when it happens. The way I experience fear has changed dramatically throughout my TBI and medical treatment. So much so that I don’t identify it as fear…more like anger or rage. It used to put me straight into the kind of fight or flight that’s reserved only for life or death situations on the regular. This caused daily panic attacks that were resistant to medication and supplementation. Mindfulness and meditation helped somewhat by calming me down between panic attacks, but ultimately didn't solve the problem. As soon as something else I deemed stressful would happen, I was right back up there again within a heartbeat. It was a wiring issue, and the pathways were worn deep. Waking up from brain damage has its own set of unique challenges. When I was living concussed, I had no self-awareness, so things like tone of voice, behavioral patterns, and emotional responses were kind of all over the place. Regaining self-awareness can be an incredibly painful and eye-opening process, but it presents the room and opportunity for growth.

This past week, I had another psychotic break that was initially triggered by a series of extremely stressful events. This break was due to my neuro Lyme, and it took someone outside of myself to tell me it was related to fear. Breaks like that suck. It’s a complete breakdown of reality. The only way I could get it to stop was to unplug all electronic devices, isolate, and focus on self-care for a couple of days until sanity returned.

Weight loss progress: I’m still losing weight and am currently at 130.6 lbs. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and am curious to see where I level off at. I started gaining weight shortly after my concussions, in part due to the cocktail of pharmaceuticals I was placed on when I was misdiagnosed. I also think my hormones played a role, as did becoming sedentary while my spine healed.
Weight Loss History:
8/16/2025: 130.6 lbs
8/9/2025: 133.6 lbs
6/13/2025: 140.0 lbs
9/30/17: 159.0 lbs
10/11/24: 155.2 lbs
10/17/24: 153.2 lbs
11/4/24: 150.8 lbs

Rapid Parasite Release: still ongoing, but the fog is still clearing, and my abdomen is continuing to flatten. Pain is continuing to decrease. I’m looking forward to seeing where I am after this is completed. The further along I get with this treatment, the more I'm learning that a large bulk of my symptoms were related to parasites. They create nebulous symptoms that are easily misdiagnosed as other conditions.