How Men and Women Cause each other Pain with Adam Lane Smith

Why can’t women just understand men? Why can’t men just understand women? The short answer is, “we’re not supposed to.” If we were, we wouldn’t really have any need for each other, would we? My guest today, Adam Lane Smith, has made it his life’s work to get closer to helping men understand women and help us understand our own natural tendencies in relationships.
Today, Adam and I talk about emotional starvation, the concept of CEO/COO between men and women, the ‘red flags’ that your marriage is struggling, what men and women do to cause each other pain, and how men can lead in their relationships much more effectively.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
00:00 – Finding Purpose and Chasing It
00:59 – Building a 200-Year Family System
02:51 – Two Worlds: Secure vs Insecure Attachment
05:55 – Teaching People Safety vs Creating Secure Attachment
07:27 – Maslow’s Hierarchy and Emotional Safety
10:46 – Safety for Men as Peace
14:19 – Security Starts Outside the Relationship
17:38 – Rebuilding a Marriage After Decades
20:53 – Invalidation and Dismissal in Relationships
22:23 – Venting vs Bringing Concerns
27:18 – The Purpose of Female Feelings as Data
29:36 – Men and Women’s Brains Are Meant to Interlink
32:05 – The Ancient Fear of Not Being Believed
37:25 – Emotional Starvation in Relationships
40:38 – Signs She’s Thriving or Starving Emotionally
45:13 – Four Levels of Safety Women Need
48:24 – Level 1: Physical Safety
50:07 – Level 2: Resource Safety
52:00 – Choosing the Right Woman for Your Circle
55:08 – Defining Masculine and Feminine Roles
58:32 – How Men Decide and Women Refine
01:02:05 – Level 3: Emotional Safety
01:04:29 – Level 4: Bonding Safety

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