"Verstitution" Pt2

Link to Pt1 (Pt2 below)
https://rumble.com/v6wr240-verstitution-pt1.html

[Ernest begins laughing uproariously.]

Judge: [Pounding gavel] "Order! You better have a sound excuse for why you're disrupting the proceedings, Counselor!"

Ernest: "Your Honor? Isn't the bailiff just walking over to the double doors to invite the witness?"

Judge: "Huh. Yes, that's quite true. Good point. So what was so funny?"

Ernest: "My client noted the common nickame for Gilbert and the middle initial, Your Honor?"

Judge: "So?"

Ernest: "Give it a few seconds, Your Honor."

[The remaining 23 spectators begin laughing, prior to the judge. The judge pounds his gavel, again.]

Judge: "Order!"

[The audience continues laughing.]

Ernest: "Your Honor, I'd suggest a brief recess prior to inviting the next witness, so that all concerned might purge the humor value from their system. You've not gotten the joke yet, and it could well strike you in the middle of the direct examination, and I know you don't want to have to send yourself to jail."

Judge: "Are you calling me slow, Counselor?"

Ernest: "No, sir. You're projecting it. Your thoughts may just be focused upon higher priorities."

Judge: "Nice save, Counselor."

[The judge looks to the bailiff, about to open the doors.]

Judge: "Bailiff, please wait on inviting the witness. I'm told I have a joke to understand prior to Mr. Mann gracing us with his presence."

Bailiff: "Yes, Your Honor."

Ernest: "Any more of that, Ms. Holloway, and I may have to reconsider joining your higher tier."

Madison: "You do realize, though, that you have absolutely no chance with me, don't you?"

Ernest: "Perhaps not, but this case may well be taken to an appellate court since the verstitution law is based on men seeking a chance at intimacy, similar to the sugar daddy / baby concept, which isn't a far cry from prostitution."

Madison: "What's your point?"

Ernest: "Do you mean to tell me that you didn't understand anything I said?"

Madison: "No, I got it. Don't YOU understand that familiarity breeds concempt? At best we're going to be like brother and sister when this is all over, and not amicable ones."

Ernest: "I owe you an apology, Ms. Holloway. I highly underestimated your intellect and social awareness. So, why do you pander to those horny guys on your site trying to lure you into bed?"

Madison: "Ha ha ha! No, I have a bot to do that work for me."

Ernest: [Laughing] "If they only knew, eh?"

Madison: [Wide-eyed] "Are you going to blackmail me?"

Ernest: "Are you kidding? I'd be disbarred."

Madison: "You're damn right you'd lose your BAR if you blackmailed me. Good thing nobody calls it that on my site. I don't think the bot would know it in context. You're a strange dude."

Ernest: "No... Disbarred is... uh... never mind."

Judge: "Bailiff? Please invite Mr. Mann into the proceedings. I attended preparatory school with a Gilbert who went by Gilby, and I don't see anything the slightest bit funny about Gilby T."

[The bailiff opens the door and asks for Mr. Mann. Gilbert walks into the courtroom.]

Ernest: "Gil T., Your Honor."

Judge: "Are you changing the defendant's plea, Counselor? We already had the arraignment."

Ernest: "No, Your Honor. Gilbert is Gil T."

Judge: "He's now in your company, Counselor. What did he do? You'd better have some solid proof."

[Gilbert squints his eyes disrespectfully at Ernest as he approaches the witness stand. The 23 spectators begin chuckling. The judge pounds his gavel 5 times.]

Judge: "Silence! I will clear this courtroom and assign every last one of you to 15 hours or more of community service!"

Ernest: "I suppose we'll have to discuss this later, Your Honor."

Judge: "Yes. I believe that is best. Your explanation had better be an extraordinary one, too, and I'm sure you know why."

Ernest: "Your Honor? Mr. Mann's eyewitness testimony, from State's Exhibit A, is only going to confirm that the crime of verstitution was committed. That's not in dispute. The argument by the defense is that the act, per my cross and re-cross of Mr. Dillingham, should not be a crime. I ask at this time that The State save us the time and effort by excusing this witness."

Judge: "Is The State in agreement?"

D.D.A.: "Yes, Your Honor."

Judge: "You are excused, Mr. Mann."

Gilbert: "Please, Your Honor... Call me Gil."

Judge: "Oh! Ha ha ha! Gil T.! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Expression transforms from glee to rage] Shoot!"

[The bailiff unholsters his sidearm and draws down on Gilbert.]

Judge: "Bailiff, NO! Drop your weapon!"

[The bailiff throws his weapon to the floor, causing it to misfire and destroy one of the mics that replaced the stenographer.]

Bailiff: "Sorry, Your Honor."

Judge: "Not as sorry as I am, deputy. You're going to jail for a minimum of 6 months, but I have to send myself for 1 day for contempt. Thankfully, that mic was redundant for back up's sake, so we won't have to rearrange the furniture."

Bailiff: "How is that worse for you, Your Honor?"

Judge: "Having an itchy trigger finger and a quick draw is a source of pride. A judge having to send himself to jail for violating decorum ranks right up there with a priest streaking through a chapel on his way to perform a wedding ceremony."

Bailiff: "That's a disturbing visual, Your Honor, but you have quite the imagination."

Judge: "2 days!"

Bailiff: "Oh, thank you, Your Honor."

Judge: "WHAT?"

Bailiff: "2 days instead of 6 months... because I flattered you?"

Judge: "NO! I disrupted the court, again, with a disturbing visual, but you earned an additional day for your insulting presumption."

Bailiff: "6 months and 1 day isn't going to seem that different from 6 months, Your Honor."

Judge: "Oh? I suppose that depends what you're going to be doing on that last day. Did you ever watch Mike Rowe's "Dirty Jobs" series?"

Bailiff: "No, Your Honor."

Judge: "In case you don't yet grasp the severity, I have two words for you: sheep and teeth."

Bailiff: [Baffled] "Sheep dental hygiene, Your Honor? And that was 3 words."

Judge: [Grinning] "Not even close, and AND doesn't count! 6 months and 2 days. Look it up, deputy."

[The judge returns his gaze to Ernest.]

Judge: "Call your first witness, Counselor."

Ernest: "I have no witnesses to call, Your Honor."

Judge: "Very well. We'll reconvene in 2 days for closing arguments."

D.D.A.: "Your Honor. I have no closing argument to present."

Judge: "Does the defense have a closing argument?"

Ernest: "No, Your Honor. My opening statement and cross examination are sufficient, and, without a jury, there's not any prestige or glory in making a big scene."

Judge: "I don't deserve a big scene?"

Ernest: "Wouldn't you rather take the rest of the day off, Your Honor?"

Judge: "Are you suggesting that I dislike my job, or that I only work for 2 hours per day? It's one or the other, and neither bodes well for you."

Ernest: "10 days, Your Honor?"

Judge: "You betcha! This court is adjourned. We will reconvene on Wednesday, April 5th for my opinion and judgment. Dismissed!"

[After the final gavel strike, Madison looks to Ernest, shaking her head.]

Madison: "Haven't you learned your lesson by now to stop volunteering information to this judge? You know he's always going to find some way to warp it into more jail time."

Ernest: "I'm off the clock, Ms. Holloway. One more word and I start it."

Madison: "Fine."

Ernest: "I warned you. At $500 per hour, that second rounds up to 14 cents."

Madison: [Sputters] "Big deal."

Ernest: "Now, see... You responding allows me to also bill for the time I spent reacting to you. Are you done?"

Madison: "Yes."

Ernest: [Sighs, then giggles] "A secondary attorney would have advised you to remain silent. Ironic, isn't it, considering your previously established bias against fraternizing with me?"

[Madison purses her lips and squints her eyes menacingly at Ernest.]