Episode 32 Semblance of Order Times are Changing

“Have you moved on or are you still waiting to see”.

Links:
Beautiful Chorus – “I Am” featuring India.Arie
https://youtu.be/4gUY9QshcVQ?si=m3kB6d8LGAS7wFgX

India.Arie – “Light of the Holy Spirit”
https://youtu.be/5FabXvR4QDs?si=cTrEIisb8cpPKSCj

GGD news channel on Telegram
https://t.me/GGDNews

“Life is whatever you make it; I choose a long journey with many stops and opportunities along the way. After all, it’s not the destination but the journey and more importantly those who join you for the adventure”. ~ Anne Sotherland

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Transcription of covered document:

Years ago, I touted the party line – our president, our country, our legal system, our moral cause and the men and women in service to and enforcement of the institutions in control of our daily lives. It was six days before the Christmas of 1991. I was 33, working for seven years at the US Department of State and like so many at the time, still flying high on the West success in [winning] the Cold War. The Berlin Wall had fallen, the Iron Curtin had collapsed, and I had just received a promotion and my first overseas assignment. As the briefing concluded that day in the enormous and ornate conference room fit-for-a-king on the top floor of the State Department’s main campus in Washington D.C...

I only had to work a half day, then I had two and a half weeks with my family and friends for Christmas and New Year’s; before my overseas assignment began in the Capital City of Belgrade, Yugoslavia, a former U.S.S.R. block country. Rumors were steering in western intelligence circles that a serious powder keg was brewing between dozens of ethnic factions throughout the many former Soviet states. Ethnic and cultural conflicts, hatred, and mistrust abound in near infinite combinations. These tensions had been controlled by the near continuous occupation of the region for over a millennium. Starting with the Greeks and Romans, the Huns, up to the Nazi’s and most recently the Soviet’s. With the collapse of the Iron Curtin, ancient hostilities were flaring. Prompting the United Nations and N.A.T.O. to deploy hundreds of observation and diplomatic teams across the region to mediate. Warlords and armies were forming quickly in these regions as the Christmas of ’91 approached, each vying for control and power.

I finished closing my office and grabbed my briefcase, then headed for the main entrance of the building to leave. As I walked, I was waving at various colleges and friends wishing them a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year’s. As I finally made it outside of the building and stood in the courtyard. I decided to stop for a few minutes and have a cigarette and enjoy the unusually mild day during a harsh winter, before getting into my car and going home. I was still pumped; the US had won the Cold War. I got a promotion and an overseas assignment, and my dad would be proud of my accomplishments. As I was finishing my cigarette and looking around at the sunny sky. I suddenly was drawn to a man in his late 30’s/ early 40’s walking down the sidewalk.

Hundreds of people had been walking by as I stood in the courtyard taking a few minutes. Little did I know that what would seem to be an innocuous, friendly interaction. It would become the catalyst of a life altering, monumental moment only a few months from then; that would still affect me to this day. The man was dressed in a simple suit off the rack with generic dress shoes, his hair was a little long but combed well for a businessman. As he came nearer, I kept feeling an overwhelming pull/ attraction, compelling me to him. Despite never having felt this way, I rushed to finish my cigarette and catch up to him. With a slightly elevated voice I said, “to him Merry Christmas and Happy New Year’s, sir”!

The man stopped and turned slightly to me with a warm and friendly smile. “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your loved ones, too sir”! The gentlemen started to turn to continue walking down the street, as an otherworldly sensation befell me, compelling me to continue the conversation. I said to him, “it is such a lovely day, a much-needed break in this already brutal winter” … I didn’t realize it as the man stopped again, and this time turned completely to face me, that everything and everyone had seemed to slow down, and the ambient noise had muted. His smile had widened, and he said, “almost like nature knew we needed a moment to catch our breath” … Something about this man was intriguing; the calmness/ the stillness, the peace he commanded by the sheer weight of his presence was astounding. We continued to talk for what seemed like hours, but it was maybe ten minutes. As we concluded the man asked me the oddest question out of the blue, “how much do you trust those you work for”? I stood there in stunned silence, compelled to think about a subject I had never conceived of before. The man suddenly turned and began walking away resuming his original course to his destination. As he walked away, everything and everyone seemed to snap back to full speed and the ambient noise unmuted. He said, have, “a Blessed Christmas and a Prosperous New Year”!

I apparently snapped back into reality, dazed and puzzled about what had just happened. I reach into my internal coat pocket to grab another cigarette, lit it and quickly thrusted to the sidewalk to see if I saw the man. Nothing, so I turned around and went back to the courtyard to retrieve my briefcase, then to my car and then drove home. The holidays were amazing and as they came to an end, I began packing and confirming my itinerary for my assignment abroad. I was nervous leaving my wife and two boys for this six-month assignment in what had developed into an intense geopolitical situation. My family drove me to the airport to send me off. I hugged them all and told them I loved them. My boys told me how proud they were their daddy was a part of this.

I landed in Belgrade around January 18th, 1992; I was driven to the N.A.T.O. temporary annex in the diplomatic area. I reported into my new office the following day. Where I meet the rest of the team I was assigned to support, and we began our briefings. For the next month we toured Yugoslavia going from city-to-city meeting with local leaders. In mid-February we arrived at a beautiful city in the southern part of Yugoslavia called Sarajevo, in the Bosnian Providence. It was a standard meeting with the leaders of the city to establish a working relationship and gauge the mood of the community’s post-Soviet rule. Everything was going better than expected, the local leaders and our team were working well together as we coordinated aide and setting up a new governance model based on western principles and morals. It was a beautiful winter’s day in the city, me and a dozen or so others decided to take a break and go outside.

As we were outside, we heard a commotion coming from the south side of the building. When we got over to that side of the building, we saw arts and cultural displays were set up with people going around to the various booths and displays, stopping at food carts to grab food and beverages to enjoy. The group and I walked over to partake in the festivities, a few of the locals saw us and came to greet and welcome us. These people are some of the nicest and most beautiful souls, despite what they had incurred for over a millennium. As we were shown, the various booths and displays. A man who seemed out of place, was walking up with a cart. A few of the locals who had organized the event stopped and began paying attention. Despite this attention, the man pushed the cart toward the center of the festivities and stopped. This man began setting up the cart, deploying arms with banners and setting up a beautiful umbrella. At that time, everyone decided to continue with what they were doing. Even I decided to walk over to railings nearby to look out on to the beautiful river. During these moments, no one had paid attention to the man, who had walked away abandoning the cart.

I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, grabbed one, put it in my mouth and lit it with my lighter. Then mine and everyone’s lives at this impromptu gathering would change forever. An explosion erupted from the abandoned cart that a bomb had been quietly tucked away in. The explosion knocked me off my feet several dozen yards away at the railing overlooking the river. Ears ringing, and eyes teared up and burning I turned to see nearly 130 men, women – young and old alike; have their lives destroyed in a blink of an eye. 40 died instantly, their bodies torn asunder, the rest battered and bloody – bruised and broken, sobbing uncontrollably that haunting, eerie wail that pierced the unnatural silence that had fallen. Now resonating deep inside, creeping deeper and deeper into your bones, rattling one’s soul.

Death had risen from his long slumber with a vengeful sigh, loosen his reapers upon the living to remind them of the truth. “Nature did not start this, you did” … I staggered to my feet, stumbling toward the injured, hell bent and determined to aid anyone who needed it. Within minutes N.A.T.O. patrols and U.N. peacekeepers began flooding the area, and local fire and emergency services came escorted by soldiers. As I neared a woman on the ground covered in blood, sobbing uncontrollably, begging for help; I collapsed and passed out. Over the next few days, I faded in and out of consciousness, remembering small blurbs of being in a foreign hospital – crying, screaming, people talking in strange tongues – being aboard an airplane flying somewhere. Then on February 22, 1992, I had been transported from Germany to the states, I was unconscious but stable. On February 24th, 1992, I woke up in a hospital bed somewhere in Baltimore, Maryland; my wife was at my bedside. She looked like hell and was sleeping awkwardly in a chair beside my bed. I reached over and gently tapped her leg; she jumped as she woke suddenly. She started crying, telling me how much she loved me.

I asked, “what had happened”, she looked at me with big tears streaming down her face. “I don’t know, no one will talk to me; not even your boss at the State Department who is downstairs right now”, she was upset. She was reaching down toward me, and I did my best with all of the tubes and wires to hug her. I told her, “We will get this sorted out soon”. Then I asked [feeling like an idiot], “how are the boys, how is everyone else”? Her face stiffen, as she began standing up; her demeaner was very cold and calculated like a women preparing war with those threatening her family. “The boys are okay; they are with your parents in North Carolina and my parents are at our home with the dogs and turtles”. I was shocked and confused by what she was saying and her strict appearance. I asked her, “honey, what happened”; she looked at me and what she said destroyed my world. She said, “I was notified February 23rd, 1992, at 9:02 p.m. by the local sheriff’s department in their home county in Maryland [I looked at her with bewilderment], they were asked by the US Department of State to notify the spouse of a employee of the department, that her husband was injured in an incident overseas on February, 21st, 1992 and a plane from Germany had landed and he was being transferred to this hospital in Baltimore”.

I was stunned, the coldness, the distance; no one from work - colleagues, friends even bothered to notify my wife or family… The door to the room opened and a nurse walked in and saw me awake speaking with my wife. She instantly walked over to a phone on the wall near the door and dialed a number; whomever she spoke with, the nurse was letting them know I was awake and appeared cognitive. I thought to myself, “good, maybe they will notify my boss who is downstairs, and I can finally get some real god damn answers” … I looked over and saw my wife’s face, she was pissed. The nurse turned around and said, “she would be right back with the doctor”. I asked my wife, “what’s going on”, she said, “not even the staff would tell me your condition” …

The nurse returned with the doctor; I could tell from his face he was a complete dick. He proved me correct in seconds when he ordered my wife to leave while he examined his patient. I instantly rebuked him and stated, “she stays, this is my wife”. To which he snapped back, “my hospital, my rules and that’s final”. The nurse walked to the door and banged it; a security guard and orderly came in to escort his wife out… “Who the F*** do you think you are”. I yelled as I sharply rose. I am your doctor and like I said before – my hospital, my rules… My wife interrupted, “I will be out in the hallway when they are done”.

The examination took almost three hours, no conversation whatsoever and the son of a bitch refused to answer my questions. As soon as the doctor was finished, he and the nurse left without so much as a whisper. A few moments later, my wife reentered the room; I asked her, “if she was okay”, she said, “no but I will live”. She asked me, “what the hell was going on”; to which I could only answer, “I don’t know”. I gestured for her to come closer to me so I could comfort her as the tears streamed once again down her face. The doctor and nurse had removed almost all of the wires and tubes during the examination; so, I asked my wife to get in the bed and she did. We had fallen asleep together, while silently going over what had just happened. Then at 7:30 a.m. the next day, a women walked in with a clipboard in hand and a man with a marshal’s service jacket and badge walked behind her. The women informed my wife and I, that I was being discharge and that a nurse would be in soon to disconnect the last remaining monitoring leads and go over discharge instructions. Suddenly a young lady appeared with a cart at the door and said, “madam, here is the bag of clothes you requested”. The women walked over to the door to retrieve the bag, and the US Marshal stepped forward, “sir I am here by delivering this order from your immediate supervisor to appear tomorrow morning at the location indicated by no later than 9 a.m. eastern standard time”.

The lady walked over again and placed the bag on the table next to the bed. She said, “here are some clothes and shoes for you”. Over the next twenty minutes a nurse came and removed the final wires and as I dressed behind a partition read the after-care instructions, which were basically nothing – no prescriptions, no follow up appointments – nothing at all. This nurse escorted us out of the room and down the hallway to an elevator and simply said, “goodbye”. I was reeling on the elevator ride down to leave; in the lobby we stopped by a payphone and called for a ride. We told our ride we would be down the street at a small convenience store waiting. We had to get as far away from whatever this was, whatever had just happened. We went into the store to get a few snacks and drinks, and I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. We waited outside and I had a few cigarettes while we waited, my wife looked at me and asked, “are we safe”. I looked at her and honestly answered, “I don’t know”. Our ride arrived and drove us home, over an hour away; while we had been waiting, my wife had called our home to let her parents know we were on our way.

My wife’s parents moved in instantly as we opened the front door and entered. Her mom immediately grabbed her arm and moved in the direction of the kitchen; then her father placed his hand on my back and ushered me in the opposite direction. As soon as we were clear he looked me in the eyes and asked, “if I knew what the hell was going on”. I looked him back in the eyes, “I didn’t” as I pulled the order the marshal gave me from my shirt pocket. He read the letter and asked, “a marshal delivered this to you”? I replied, “yes sir this morning as the women came and announced I was being discharged from the hospital”. The look on my wife’s father’s face told me everything, this wasn’t normal [see her father had been a top DOJ prosecutor for 35 years and had only retired three months before the Christmas of ‘91]. I informed him, “I was getting ready to call work and speak to someone”, he said, “good, I’ll go check on my baby girl while you do that”.

I spent the next four plus hours trying to reach someone at the State Department. When I was ready to give up, a man’s voice, I didn’t recognize came on the line. I told him my name, my security clearance level and code, and phone clearance authorization code. He took a few moments and then came back on the line. He informed me that my clearances had been suspended since February 21st, 1992, and that there is a standing order for no contact, is in effect and that I would reframe from none ordered activities immediately. Then the line went dead, the son of a bitch hung up on me. I step outside for my favorite activity; my father-in-law joined me. I told him what was said, he looked at me with a grave look and simply said, “you’ve been locked down” … He said, “let go inside, the ladies have made a delicious dinner”. I agreed and went in and ate, it was quiet as we all knew something was going on behind our backs. We watched tv for a few hours after dinner and we all went to bed.

I slept horribly that night: anxiousness, doubt, worry filled my mind; most importantly I was walking into a meeting tomorrow morning completely blind, not knowing what was waiting for me. The next morning, I woke up at 4 a.m. and took a long shower, picked out a suit to wear, and went to the living room and sat until time to leave. My father-in-law said he was driving me to the meeting and we both said we love our wives. Finally, we arrived at the address on the paper; this wasn’t exactly a good part of Washington D.C. The building itself was in disrepair, but the bottom was open, so I entered with my father-in-law by my side. There was a table in the center of the lobby area, I informed the man I was ordered to be here by 9 a.m. and showed him the paper. He took the paper and opened a binder, then the man stood up and told me to follow him; while simultaneously telling my father-in-law to find somewhere to sit down, it would be a while. My father-in-law looked at me and nodded, then said “I will be here when you are done”.

I was led down a small, dark, poorly lit hallway in the back of the lobby to a metal door. The door was an old freezer door to a meat freezer. I smirked at the overt nature of the visuals, classic horror movie theme. The door opened from the inside where I could see three men and a women sitting at a metal butchers table with a single light hanging above. One of the men addressed me and told me to sit down, then I heard the door clunk, shut hard as I had begun walking to a chair at the table. The women addressed me and began reciting my employment/ psychological file aloud to the group, she occasionally dropped pictures on the table. The atmosphere was thick in the room as four people began hurling their divisive questions at me. This wasn’t a debriefing but an interrogation with tones of accusations. For the first few hours, I tried my best to keep up and answer the questions being asked. By the fourth hour I simply sat there emotionless but irritated as hell by this insufferable treatment without any breaks or opportunity to ask questions.

As I prepared to transition into the fifth hour of this living hell, something happened. An unexpected memory came flooding back to my mind as the unrelenting barrage of questions continued unabated. The memory was from six days before Christmas ’91 and the mysterious man I had encountered in the courtyard. That question he had asked as he turned and walked away began echoing in my mind uncontrollably and intensifying by the second. A few minutes later it dawned on me what this interrogation was, what my crime was? My crime was that I SURVIVED, the horrifying implications began settling in my mind making me physically sick. Then for the first time in months, I felt the otherworldly compulsion and took a piece of paper and pen from the center of the table and began writing uncontrollably. The message on the paper was simple and sweet, it was my resignation effective immediately this day of February 26, 1992. I slid the paper to the people sitting on the other side of the table and stood up and went to the door. I grabbed the thick handle on the door and pulled it up, the door opened, and I walked out and down the hallway to the lobby. My father-in-law saw me, stood up and walked toward me and I said to him, “it’s time to go home”. He smiled and we walked out to the car a left for home.

As we drove home, the sun was setting, the mysterious man I had meet before Christmas last year was firmly in my mind. The memory was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, it was so vivid and alive, and I was experiencing it in a new light and the revelation hit me in that moment like a stiff upper punch to the head. That man, even though I had never meet him before in my life, I actually knew him my whole life. The clues were right there the whole time, the otherworldly alure, time standing still, noise muting as if in response to his mere presence. The thought poured into my mind, could it really be him, was this really Jesus Christ and if it was, why would he come to a wretch like me. I smiled and let out a slight giggle, the irony hitting me as we neared home.

As we settled in for the evening, I began telling my story to the assembled family which now including my parents and two boys and many others. Unknown to me, at that moment my youngest son was about to say something no one expected, least of all, me; something even to this day sends chills down my spine. My youngest son stood up with a piece of paper and walked over to me, he whispered in my ear, “is this the man you are talking about”? I took the paper and looked at the picture he penciled, on the paper was the face of the mysterious man I meet all those months earlier, it was him, it is Jesus! My face drained as I gasped and “oh my God, yes”! My son whispered, “I knew it daddy, he told me you were okay and would be home soon”. The story my youngest told was mesmerizing, as the boys’ uncle drove them to grandma and grandpa’s in North Carolina. They stopped for gas and picked up a few snacks, when my youngest went to the chip aisle where he saw a man stocking the shelves. He walked up and asked the man if he could please get a bag of chips. The man smiled and said, “yes you can young man”. The man handed him the bag of chips he wanted, the only problem he hadn’t told the man what kind chips he wanted. My son said “daddy, I couldn’t take my eyes off him” as my son had turned slowly to walk back to his uncle and brother. My son said he never saw his lips move but heard the man say clearly “that your daddy was safe and would be home soon”.

By now my wife and I and everyone else that was listening were sitting in stunned silence with tears forming in our eyes. The night went late, and eventually one-by-one family members began disappearing to go to bed. My wife and I were the last still awake. I turned to her and said, “I was thinking for our family’s safety maybe we should move”. Without hesitation, she agreed and suggested moving near my parents in North Carolina. I smiled as a divine peace settled over our home. The boys returned to North Carolina and my wife went with them. On February 29, 1992, I placed our home of eight years on the market. Within a week of listing, more than a dozen offers were placed and I accepted the largest offer for double the asking price.

We sold most of the furniture and took only a small number of meaningful items with us. We wanted to start our lives anew, purging our lives of the tainted possession now enveloped in darkness. We found a new home, down the road from my parents. My wife’s parents had also moved near us. Eventually many others from our extended family moved near where we were in North Carolina. The day after I had walked out of the interrogation, my former employer began relentlessly calling me, wanting to talk. Obviously, I didn’t answer their calls and simply ignored them. The biggest change in our new life was we had found a small church in our new hometown and began attending regularly.

P.S.
In April of 1992, Yugoslavia descended into one of the most brutal civil/ ethnic wars in modern history. The Bosnian War as it became known would rage on for nearly three years. Sarajevo would become known as a prime example of the horrors of the new era of urban combat and warfare. The war ended in 1995 with the Dayton Agreement/ Dayton Peace Accords in Dayton, Ohio.

In 1997, my wife was diagnosed with a previously undetected heart issue. Also, that same year both my wife and I were baptized at a little creek near our church. During our baptism both of us were shown brief glimpses of what was to come. I saw our family stronger than ever, but my wife was missing. She also, had been shown our family to be stronger than ever, but also that she wouldn’t be there long. Neither of us were sad nor angry, our lives were great; all it meant was we would make every second count twice as hard.

2000 our oldest son joined the US Marine Corp, where he served proudly for ten years, in that time he married an amazing woman and had five kids.

2001 God called my wife home two months before September 11th. She went peaceful while at a spa day with the girls. Then September 11th occurred, what started in Yugoslavia finally arrived on American shores.

2002 my youngest son followed his brother’s footsteps and joined the US Marine Corp and honorably served until 2011. His first marriage lasted four years with three kids and his final marriage so far five kids, neither he nor his wife are saying they are done.

2005 a friend of my fathers from Vietnam had left him a five hundred acre plus events and gatherings ranch out in the western mountains of America. At first my father refused to accept, he didn’t want to take something so precious away from his friends’ family. After his friend’s oldest son and daughter spoke with my father, they explained why they wanted him to accept and would appreciate a chance to stop by and visit from time-to-time. My father accepted and all who had moved to North Carolina picked up and went west. This was what God had shown my wife and I about our family growing stronger during our baptisms.

2009 an unwelcome event occurred, one that angered me to my core from the most unexpected degenerate America has ever known. I received an invitation to a ceremony to be held in November that year at the White House in Washington D.C. and would receive an award for my service to the State Department for the events of 1992. Seriously, after all these years… The tenacity of the shithole and its rat demon ox lover leader. I declined and rebuked the event, but the demon still used my name and my family in its speech. Filthy, nasty lying sack-of-shit rat demon………….

I don’t write this for pity or for confirmation, I write this as a Testament to God and the power of Mankind under God to defeat the evil and triumph! Both of my boys and their large families moved to the ranch after their subsequent retirements from the Marines. Our family is strong and prosperous beyond anything I ever thought possible. It took a chance encounter with a mystery man and an open heart to receive the blessings he offered. I spend my days now sitting with kids and lite ranch duties. I am healthy as a prize stallion but enjoying “semi” retirement. Over the past several decades, my boys have had heart-to-heart talks with me. They expressed their worries after mom was called home to God and wanted me to know they were okay, if I found another woman to love. My oldest, the eternal asshole, even added if I found a dude to love; as I smacked him upside his head, we all smiled. I thanked them for their honest talk, and I told them I was good; your mom made sure I would have enough love to fill my heart and that is all of you!

See, I start my day every morning around 4:30 a.m. by going into the kitchen and starting the coffee. After the coffee has finished brewing, I pour the days first streams of that heavenly essence into my cup and walk out onto the big covered back porch. I walk over to the ridiculously large bench my wife and I purchased after we moved to North Carolina. I told her, “It wouldn’t fit on our porch at home honey”. She told me, “It will, besides it will only be on that porch for a short time and grace a big porch worthy of its majesty soon enough”. She was right, this porch certainly lived up to that worthy phrase. I take my seat in the middle of that bench and the dogs come and lay at my feet, never offering to get up on the bench with me. That is because they know who will join me soon enough on the bench. Soon after I take my first sip of coffee and light my first cigarette of the day. My wife and Christ come to seat on either side of me on the big bench. They both reach over and touch my respective arm, look at me and smile, then seat back with me and the dogs at my feet to watch the sunrise.

After the sun has risen, they both lean forward and stand, then smile. Then they walk away into the morning mist until the next day. I know one day, I will take my final sip of the first coffee of the day and finish my final cigarette, then I will stand up with them and go wherever their divine presences are needed. But until that day, I sit for a few extra minutes after they leave because what happens next is like clockwork. One of my many dozens of grandbabies or great nieces or nephews; always get up early and finds me on the porch sitting there watching nature. They come up and hug me and ask, “are you ready”? I always answer, “you know it, let’s get todays adventure started and see where it leads us”!
~Rian
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