Debt Shackles and Piñatas: La Junta’s Fiscal Fiesta on Puerto Rico

#PuertoRicoCrisis #DebtBondage #LaJunta #PROMESA #VultureFunds #FiscalAusterity #IslandInChains #EconomicJustice #StandWithPuertoRico #EndDebtRescueMyth #puertorico

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Today we are going to speak about Debt Shackles and Piñatas: La Junta’s Fiscal Fiesta on Puerto Rico

Puerto Rico’s fiscal “rescue” reads like a tragicomedy directed by soulless bureaucrats and Wall Street opportunists. First, you assemble a team of unelected overseers—because nothing says “democracy” like outsourcing government to a board nobody voted for. Then you let hedge fund vultures circle overhead, salivating over every cent the islanders might earn. Voilà: a perfect system where the only winners are people who profit from other people’s misery.

Remember PROMESA, that bipartisan brainchild that promised sunshine and unicorns? Instead, it delivered La Junta—a squad of budget hawks so ruthless they’d balance a budget by selling sand at the beach. They claim to “restore fiscal order,” which apparently means slashing public services until hospitals turn into street clinics. Isn’t it comforting that these overseers can override Puerto Rico’s constitution but still can’t explain how this helps anyone besides debt collectors?

Enter the vulture funds: a coalition of hedge funds that treat Puerto Rico’s bonds like a clearance bin sale. They buy distressed debt at pennies on the dollar, then litigate or leverage PROMESA’s carve-outs to demand full payment. It’s pure performance art: “We gave you a discount”—no, you didn’t—“so we deserve even more.” The irony of profiteering off “rescue” efforts would be hilarious, if it weren’t so infuriating.

And how do you pay these guys back? By gutting the very infrastructure that keeps the island afloat. Teachers? Gone. Trash collection? Sporadic. Healthcare? A patchwork of clinics and charity drives that leaves the sick choosing between a bus ride or a doctor’s visit. All to ensure that bondholders can coast on interest payments as Puerto Ricans claw for scraps.

Of course, La Junta insists austerity is the only path to “economic self-sufficiency.” You’d think they’d be thrilled with the mass exodus heading for the mainland. Who needs a shrinking tax base when you can simply cut taxes further for the investors piling into distressed assets? Nothing screams growth like abandoning half your population and wondering why the economy’s in freefall.

Take water privatization: the debate once centered on public stewardship versus profit-driven managers. Now, it’s “either we sell our rivers or we stop paying our bills.” Cue applause from hedge fund executives who earn dividends while communities risk dry taps. It’s the ultimate win–win: investors profit, La Junta looks decisive, and Puerto Ricans thirst for real relief.

Even basic recovery from Hurricane Maria became a transaction. FEMA dollars arrived in dribs and drabs, while bondholders got paid in full. Promises of modernization turned into photo ops with politicians preaching self-reliance—because nothing rebuilds bridges like telling people they’re too dependent on government aid.

Meanwhile, the island’s credit score takes center stage. A few basis points up, and the vultures toot their own horns for “rescuing” Puerto Rico. Yet every small upgrade means deeper cuts to essential services. It’s a financial ouroboros: the more you repay, the more you end up owing—like a casino that bills you for chips you never used.

Looking ahead, optimism from La Junta sounds like a cruel joke. They tout reforms and balanced budgets, but forget to mention the human cost: an aging population, brain drain, and communities left to fend for themselves. If this is the price of fiscal stability, maybe some crises are better left unsolved.

In the grand finale, Puerto Rico stands at a crossroads: continue as La Junta’s pet project or reclaim a future beyond debt bondage. Until the islanders wrest control back from Wall Street’s scavengers, every “reform” will feel like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. But hey, at least those chairs are technically on budget.

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