Tiger at the General Hospital

Tiger walks into a grimy, overbooked animal clinic carrying Joey the kangaroo (now teething, covered in glitter from an earlier playdate, and chewing on a USB cable).
“Today on Parenting in the Food Chain , a tiger brings his adopted kangaroo to a general practitioner who is clearly a retired raccoon with a weekend diploma.”
Tiger approaches the counter where a sleepy alpaca receptionist slowly types on a keyboard missing half the keys.
Tiger sits next to:
A parrot mom yelling at her kid for swearing,
A chameleon hiding from the bill,
A dog mom live-tweeting everything.
Dog Mom: “You’re so brave raising a kangaroo!”
Tiger (deadpan): “I haven’t figured out how to return him yet.”
Raccoon wipes paws on a towel that smells like regret.
Dr. Bandit: “What seems to be the issue?”
Tiger: “He bit through a charging cable, yoga mat, and my will to live.”
Bandit: “Normal tooth development.”
Tiger: “That was six months ago.”
Dr. Bandit: “Chamomile drops, chew toy, no more glitter.”
Tiger: “What about sleep training?”
Bandit: “Sleep is a myth invented by people who’ve never raised a jumper.”
🎯 Caption:
"Diagnosis: Parental exhaustion. Cure: More caffeine and less hope."
Tiger handed a $487 bill for 3 minutes of care.
He stares at it like it personally betrayed him.
Exits holding Joey and a pharmacy bag labeled “No Refunds.”
Tiger (to camera): “If you ever see me hunting a stroller… it was self-defense.”
🎯 Caption:
"Three minutes, $487, and zero answers. Welcome to modern parenthood."