"Arnold v Hank": Scenes From A Single P 'n' No E Ice Cream Shop

Clerk: "Sir? I'm sorry, but we have a 2 napkin per customer maximum."

Hank: "But I've got chocolate ice cream on the lap of my jeans!"

Clerk: "Oh. I understand, but you still can't take that many napkins. Let me see if I can find something else for you."

Hank: "Thank you."

[2 minutes later...]

Hank: "What's that?"

Clerk: "It's a skirt."

Hank: "A skirt? You expect me to wear a skirt?!"

Clerk: "No, sir. I'm providing the option. It's denim, so it'll blend in well enough with what you're wearing, and has an elastic waist band."

Hank: "Under what circumstances did someone leave a skirt at an ice cream parlor?"

Clerk: "It was long before my time: '60s, I think. We kept it around for yuks, but most of our regulars are aware. For reasons that should be obvious, we don't show the skirt from the lost 'n' found to newer customers: except you... since you were in need of one."

Hank: [Reluctant] "Uh, yeah... Okay. Let me try it on and see how it fits 'n' looks."

[As Hank is stepping into the skirt, a husband and wife drive past, returning home from date night while a sitter is with their daughter: one of Peggy's students.]

Husband: "Hey?! Isn't that our propane guy?"

Wife: "I believe so. What's he doing putting on a skirt... in public of all places?"

Husband: "I don't know, but we gotta let everybody know at church, AND pull our daughter outta that school!"

[Hank scans the street out of insecurity and sees the familiar yet slack-jawed faces of two of his best customers.]

Hank: "Oh, my God! No! NO!"

Clerk: "Sir?! We don't allow blasphemy here. I'm sorry, but I'm exercising my right to refuse service. Kindly return that skirt, or I'll have no choice but to call the police."