Too Much to Hold

Too Much to Hold

I laughed at dinner like I’m okay,
But I was breaking the whole way.
Said I was fine, I wore the mask,
But underneath, I couldn’t last.

They see the smile, not the cost—
Don’t know the things I’ve really lost.

It’s too much to hold, too heavy to hide,
I’m falling apart on the inside.
Tears in the dark, pain in my chest,
I gave it my all, there’s nothing left.
They say to be strong, but I’ve grown cold—
This grief…
It’s just too much to hold.

I kept your shirt, I wear it still,
Like fabric could replace the real.
I talk to air and call it prayer,
But I don’t feel you anywhere.

Everyone says, “Time will heal,”
But time just shows me this is real.

It’s too much to hold, too deep to explain,
I carry your name like a stain.
I want to scream, but I just cry,
And no one ever asks me why.
I’m tired of silence dressed in gold—
This pain…
It’s just too much to hold.

If I could let it out, I would,
But words don’t work like they should.
So I just lie and say “I’m fine”—
And hope I make it through tonight.

It’s too much to hold, too loud inside,
And no one stays when you can't hide.
The weight you left is all I wear,
A broken heart, an empty chair.
You’re gone, and I just feel so old…
This love…
Was too much to hold.