Dear Diary - I've Been Abandoned

Dear Diary,

Code red, PETA needs to be on speed dial! The hooman abandoned me for a whole five minutes—FIVE! I’m basically a stray now, left to fend for myself with nothing but a full bowl of Blue Buffalo and my dignity.

I’ve been howling my best “neglected pup” aria, but the hooman’s still not back. If this goes on another minute, I’m eating the couch in protest. Send help.
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