HOLLYWOOD BRUSHES ITS TEETH AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. WHY?

IS PUBLIC TOOTH BRUSHING PART OF A CONSPIRACY?
Who is behind this apparent conspiracy and what is their goal?

#1. I can think of things more appealing than watching someone brush their teeth. Leaning over the sink spitting and foaming at the mouth is appealing only to the mentally disturbed. It’s as appealing as leaning over the toilet and wiping your ass!

#2. A recent viewers’ survey found that nearly 87% of all TV shows and movies showed someone brushing their teeth at least once in every three TV shows and 1 out of 5 motion pictures. TV ads are not immune. You’ll see toothbrushes in hand or mouth where it’s obvious this image has been shoehorned into the script.

#3. Too often you’ll experience the non-sequitur imagery of someone brushing their teeth. Now that I’ve brought it up, you’re gonna start seeing people brushing their teeth in movies, on TV, and especially in TV ads. I’ve forever sensitized you.

#4. I watched an ad for home maintenance insurance with a conversation between husband and wife. They’ve just experienced a broken water main. She never lets go of that toothbrush. Throughout the ad she’s waving that thing around like a maestro’s baton. It’s obvious this has been shoehorned into the ad but hey, I warned you. I saw another TV ad for senior citizen life insurance and, sure enough, the man held onto a dry toothbrush throughout the entire ad.

#5. From insurance company ads to sitcoms and all the way to full-length Hollywood feature films, writers seem driven to somehow squeeze in a scene or two showing someone brushing their teeth. From Horror Films such as Child’s Play to Insurance Commercials such as GEICO’s ‘clogging problem’ and all in between, brushing one’s teeth on both the small and silver screens has become almost mandatory, or at least obligatory, for reasons unknown to me.

#6. I ask, “Why?” And that’s a good question. Now, I brush my teeth 2 to 3 times a day and I use a water-flosser daily. I take pretty good care of my teeth. But I’m not a fanatic about it! How in Hell can media producers justify shoehorning the image of a paid killer, a hit man if you will, holding a toothbrush and, as the phone rings he answers with his left hand, still clinging to the toothbrush in his right. The conversation ends and he picks up his gun still clinging to that dry toothbrush.

#7. Statistically, this is not just an anomaly. They are the direct result of someone's command. Now we know what it is but we still don’t know why. Maybe fluoride manufacturers are following some insidious agenda? Maybe; they’ve done worse.

#8. How about wiping their asses? Instead of brushing their teeth, folks should be shown wiping their ass. How about husband and wife in the bathroom where the water goes out. He’s clinging to the shower curtain, his wife is standing over the toilet. She's slinging onto a piece of shit-stained toilet paper. Why not? Isn’t wiping your ass as normal and necessary as brushing your teeth? This could be fueled by toilet paper manufacturers. There's an idea!

#9. If you watch many movies or much broadcast television, just try and avoid seeing someone brushing their teeth. Try to imagine them wiping their asses instead.

[Go on. Good Luck!]