Neuro (2006) Review: Psychological Warfare ... IN SPACE

What a wonderful time... Not really. We got a lot to discuss on this one. All I know about the development of this game is from what I heard from a buddy of mine named "TehSnakerer" on youtube (give him a shoutout and tell him to quit fucking about and get to rumble, ya cunt). Snake dived real deep on this specific title (for reasons I cannot fully comprehend) so all the history of this game will be from what I remember from his review because I'm too lazy to copy his work or watch his review video again for reference. Big 4, incoming!

The story of Neuro takes place in "our universe" because humans are around and dominant, in the future because of the use of mental warfare far beyond where we are now, but not that far in the future because the majority of weaponry is relying on gunpowder and bullets. I'd just like to say, this is my favorite time period to set a game, future but bullets are still cool. It's great: Halo is set here, Killzone is set here, Fallout is set there, Brigand is set there, Deus Ex is set there, Doom is set there, XCOM is set there, I know there are others out there.... The future is cool and bullets are cool, and they are great together and should be together. The setting is great is what I'm getting at. The storyline itself is passable. Essentially, it's a buddy cop, good cop turned bad cop, turned... uh, compassionate bad cop story, not too out of the ordinary. But there is a weird part...

This game was originally made in Russia, by Russian developers "Revolt Games" in Russian, and no other languages in the year 2006. It was then picked up in the 2010's (I forgot when exactly) by a Taiwanese developer (yes, it exists) fully translated in English and fully operational for Windows 10 devices.... To adequately explain how strange of an occurrence in the gaming sphere this is will be challenging. It would be like having a band that only recorded all of their music on a single 8-Track tape (and I mean one 8-Track tape, not 1 album, one tape, like in existence), then someone that doesn't even listen to music finds that 8-Track and makes it into a Blu-ray disk that is perfectly functional on all modern equipment, nearly with near perfect remastered audio. I mean, thanks, but that's weird, right? It's one of the strangest stories in gaming development that you'll ever hear.

(I need 3 paragraphs for the story.) The characters are the backbone that everything this story is then build upon. Every character in this game is written with such gravitas and is so plot-sturdy and needed and poignant, it is legitimately heart-warming. I'm not jealous often ladies and gentlemen, I am jealous of these writers and voice actors. Voice actors from America, that only speak English, could not have portrayed these specific characters any better, and I will fight you in the street if you disagree with that. You can hear the fear and uncertainty in James Graveson's voice throughout the game, the calculated teaching and cunning of Craig Richards, Kate Sanders .... uh... has a sexy voice that I like.... Boris sounds like any corporate bigwig but done in such a nonchalant way that it's brilliant, Warden Avatar is the way too overconfident tard, the Troidant commander sounds genuinely welcoming but with a side of uncomfortable sternness befitting a leader, the doctor is everybody's little brother, Ramone sounds like if a snake and a weasel had a baby and then that baby became an intergalactic arms dealer, and the random soldiers all sound like professional soldiers in that they are probably drunk, are armed and are scary, but also are kinda bored and don't want to be there. EVERY CHARACTER IS PERFECTLY PORTRAYED, legitimately. You can audibly hear the talent and effort placed in these characters. I mean seriously, I know people like Craig and James and Kate and Warden Avatar and Boris. And that character is created, artistically, almost entirely from the voice acting and the voice actors, it is really quite impressive. Here's the problem though, I don't think any of these voice actors except for the doctor and maybe Kate's voice actor actually speak English. I say that because nearly every spoken line of dialogue are spoken like a really shitty A.I. program. Inflections are all over the place, volume changes when speaking at certain times are all wrong and interrupt rhythmic and conversational flow, people get excited when speaking for no reason and when it is not necessary which leads to confusion, and many speaking points kinda go nowhere with no payoff where a fluent speaker would quickly change up what is being said or just sorta trail off..... There is a reason for that. This Taiwanese development team really wanted to tell this story to a larger audience than Russian-speaking gamers, and really wanted this title translated to English, too, and decided to do both. With no English translation available for Neuro, the absolute mad lads deciphered the Russian writing of the game and Russian spoken dialogue one letter, and one syllable at a time, eventually completing the first translation of this game into another language (well done). I can't stress enough how incredible this feat is for a small developer. As the philosopher GekokujoWarGaming once said, "all you need to do amazing things is a good soundtrack, and not quite enough time."

Speaking of, onto the audio design/soundtrack. It's awful.... It's literally the pits. There is one song, kind of a neo-classical approaching rock but not quite rock piece. James's uncertainty is there, Craig's overbearing nature is there, Kate's great rhythm is there, and that's it. And it only plays at the title menu at the beginning and on the pause screen. Strict, 4/4 time and pretty disappointing, if you ask me. As the credits roll, there is a remix of THE SONG, as in the only song there is, and it's ok. I'm not a huge neo-classical guy, but I can even say this is sub par, no bueno. The rest of the game is drenched in industrial, mechanical whirring and harsh metal-on-metal scraping, indicative of the futuristic nature of the game's setting, on account of all the machinery, so that's cool. The footstep sounds are loud on the mostly metal grated floors, and you can hear it accurately, it's just far too loud of footsteps and you have to hear it the whole game which is annoying. The guns all lack "oomph" and impact, except for the O'Dwyer and the Mortar, and the mind attacks all sound off to me for one reason or another. The main part of the game that I zone in on (the audio) is not to my liking, bottom-line.

Gameplay is next up and there is not much to talk about other than the mental aspect. It is your standard early 2000's first-person shooter experience. Stiff, jerky, yet somehow smooth when you stay in motion. But that's just with the shooting of guns, so (and I never thought I'd say this) enough about the guns, let's talk about the mental abilities. For a game named Neuro, the mind has to be at the forefront, right? Right. And it is, to be perfectly fair. The first section you get to "play," control is ripped from you and James begins walking around on his own, knocking into barrels and other obstacles. Then, control is returned to you for Craig to show you the Rezonator and how it goes through armor. This lesson is not needed until about 5 hour later, but thanks anyway. More importantly, the Rezonator can take out enemies silently, in one shot, and go through walls. This is the second main differentiation Neuro can boldly claim as its novel contribution to gaming. The Extravision ability gives James "Predator vision" (infared vision) that allows for seeing heat signatures behind walls, under floors, above ceilings. Couple this with the Rezonator and you have what Snake calls teh ExtraRez combo. This combat style solidly earns James Graveson's Psi-Fighter title, despite all of his flaws, he can hit you when you can't hit him, do so quietly, and with stunning power, through both armor and walls. The other mind powers are varying degrees of useful, but no one quite as strong as James's ExtraRez. The mental strike is a one-hit knockout but costs all of your precious magick(?) points, mind points(?) whatever, its takes your entire bar to do. Pyrokinesis you get later on is a one-hitter quitter too, but only takes 80/100 of your bar(?), so its does the same thing as mental strike just costs less, making mental strike obsolete pretty early on in the game. Berzerk is useful at times, but can be quite dangerous for the "caster" when applied incorrectly. Heal is healing, it's awesome. I mostly used extravision and healing with my mind points (?) and relied heavily on my accuracy with the firearms. All the firearms are awful and awkward to use except for the mortar (which never gets ammo), the O'Dwyer, and the sniper rifle is just ok. The intermediate rifles, being the SAR and heavy rifle, were both like a .22 or a pellet gun, respectively and only the Rezonator, which WILL get you killed if not used properly because of the slow lock on and slower recharge rate, are the only other acceptable weapon to use. The sub-machine gun, the centaur-e-gun or whatever, and the grenades are downright laughable and should not even be considered for serious deployment. So, in total, gameplay is both rigid and clunky, it is a bit slow, and only the mind powers save the game from being a complete snoozefest. Oh, but one beacon of positivity in this sea of trash, the companions. All the companions in this game, including the no name grunts that help you out, are incredible. Without a hint of sarcasm or cleverness, the companions are genuinely better than most games that I've played. Better than Fallout 4 and New Vegas's companions, better than Mass Effect, better than Black Mesa, WAY better than Brigand, and XCOM would be an unfair comparison, but nevertheless, the companions in Neuro are alert, defensively responsible, and help out with the kill count in a fight. Kate Sanders, in particular, is the difference between advancing the story and getting killed over and over with no hope of getting through in the slum area of the game. You don't have to babysit these companions (much) and the are fun to fight alongside (sorta like in Kurohyou 2). Companions: the best part of the game besides the dialogue and the Extrarez. And, the O'Dwyer is the best firearm choice for nearly every encounter.

To conclude, is Neuro a good game?... No. It just isn't.... Sorry, I know y'all worked really hard on this one (especially the translator linguists and the voice actors). Quickly, the art style is generic, early-2000's futuristic with a brown and grey color palate, that many a great game has fell victim to at that time in gaming history (I'm looking at you Gears of War and Fallout: New Vegas), with industrial machinery everywhere and bullpup weaponry. It's passable, it's fine. The story is standard at best, the gameplay is slow and boring, rigid and clunky, with never a feeling of impact or momentum or inertia, and there is 1 fucking song. How do you even do that? And the one fucking song isn't even that good. The good parts of the game ascend to immortal status in gaming, these things being the companion programing, the ExtraRez, and the absolutely god-tier voice acting from mothafuckas that don't even speak English (I still can't get over that, how is this dialogue so good? Line readings from people fluent in English? Just absolutely stellar vocal coaching? How? HOW?) Anyway, the footsteps are annoying, too, forgot to mention that. Speaking of annoying, the Placktors showing up at the end of the game is simply a test of patients. Waiting around for the mind meter to recharge, hoping and praying you can get close enough to a heavily-armored Placktor soldier to Rezonate him, the occasional sniper rifle ammo getting used up just to avoid 1 out of like 5 gunfights. It is torture. Story-wise, it makes perfect sense, a military raiding party lands out of nowhere, they are scary as hell, and you gotta leave, got it. Gameplay-wise, it's a pain in the ass. It is tedious and ends up being pointless because James's story arc has been completed with his murder of Ramone after the hilarity of a Psi-Fighter having to team up with a dolt like Warden Avatar. James was there with The Colonel and Craig as a support role and not as a protagonist just before the Placktor invasion. I believe the ending of this game was the way it was to be the opening for a second game in this series that unfortunately never came to fruition due to lack of funding. That simply leaves us with Neuro, left to hold up itself on it's own. And it is lacking. I am glad I gave this game an entire playthrough, for the gaming history documentation on this channel if nothing else, but damn, was this a slog. While writing this review, I noticed that Neuro is available for sale on Steam but I think it's the Russian language version of this game, so I just thought I'd mention that.... Ok bye.