Relocation Epilogue & New "Arnold v Hank" Scene (In Description)

3 months ago
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[Back at The Hill residence...]

Peggy: "How was court, Hank?"

Hank: "Gloria got sent to jail, so I get a week off."

Peggy: "Oh, that's nice."

Hank: "Were you listening, Peggy?"

Peggy: "Of course I was, Hank!"

Hank: "But I said Gloria was sent to jail."

Peggy: "I heard you. I don't know Gloria from Eve. What do I care if she's behind bars? You've got a week off, which is nice."

Hank: "Oh, but I think it's Adam."

Peggy: "What?!"

Hank: "When you wouldn't recognize someone, it's from Adam, not Eve."

Peggy: "Gloria's a WOMAN. Let's change the subject. I still can't believe you stopped us from attending the barbecue at our own home."

[Hank flashes back to the prior month.]

Hank: "Let's change the subject. You and Arnold seem to be spending an awful lot of time together."

Peggy: "Awful? Hardly. Let's change the subject again, Hank."

Hank: "How about you take the bed and I'll crash on the couch?"

Peggy: "That's supposed to be MY job to kick you out of the bed, Hank. Husbands don't volunteer to sleep on sofas."

[Bobby enters the kitchen.]

Bobby: "Mom? Dad? What're we havin' to eat at the barbecue on Saturday?"

Hank: "I'm sorry, Bobby, but we're not gonna be there."

Bobby: "What?! No way!"

Hank: "Mind your tone, young man! I've got a public humiliation lawsuit against Arnold, so I can't be seen partying with him. If you and your mom were there, it might make you hostile witnesses if you were called to testify."

Bobby: "Called to what?"

Hank: "Asked to talk in court."

Bobby: "Why didn't you say that in the first place, dad?"

Hank: "It was court lingo, Bobby. Jargon."

Bobby: "Luh... juh... what?!"

Hank: "I think we might need to home school you, Bobby. How'd you feel about quitting teaching 30 students full-time to teach Bobby full-time, Peggy?"

Peggy: "Oh, Hank?! You shouldn't have raised this subject in front of Bobby."

Bobby: "I don't understand, mom."

[Peggy sighs and frowns sympathetically at Bobby.]

Hank: "See, Peggy? Everything's fine. None the wiser."

Peggy: "Stop it Hank! He's right there."

Bobby: "WHO'S there?"

Hank: "You. Bobby."

Bobby: "Bobby who?"

Peggy: "Bobby WHOM, Bobby."

Bobby: "But that's not funny, mom."

Hank: "Wouldn't you rather go play with Connie, Bobby, or maybe find a platonic friend who's not a girl?"

Peggy: "Don't impose roles on him, Hank!"

Hank: "Now we're even."

Peggy: "I beg your pardon?"

Hank: "You should've mentioned that to me privately."

Peggy: "Fine. Bobby? Go to your room... or Connie's house."

Bobby: "'Go to your room' is a punishment, so I'm goin' to Connie's."

Peggy: It was an ultimatum, Bobby, not a command."

Bobby: "An ulta what?"

Hank: "Go to Connie's, Bobby! Your mother and I need to talk."

Bobby: "Now I don't wanna go there, either, if I gotta. I'm goin' to my room."

Hank and Peggy: [In unison] "Fine!"

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