How We Lost the Ability to Disagree—and How to Get It Back

Are we really more divided than ever—or just worse at disagreeing?
In this episode of An Ounce, we explore how contempt has crept into every corner of modern life—from relationships and work meetings to dinner tables and online comment sections—and why it's killing our ability to communicate. You'll hear insights from Stoic philosophers, historical figures like Lincoln and Mandela, and even modern research on what actually ends relationships (hint: it’s not yelling).
We’ll walk through what contempt really is, how to spot it, and—most importantly—how to replace it with curiosity, humility, and respect.
This isn’t about being “nicer.” It’s about disagreeing better. And that might just be the thing we all need right now.
🧠 Thoughtful.
🎯 Practical.
🤣 Occasionally sarcastic (we can’t help it).
💬 Join the conversation—and learn how to be the antidote.
Subscribe for weekly episodes of An Ounce—history, humanity, and just enough wisdom to make you dangerous.________________________________________
⏱️ Chapters
00:00 – Intro
01:16 – Conversation That Broke Down
02:41 – The Real Enemy
03:49 – In the Living Room – Relationships
04:40 – The Family Table – Political Polarization at Home
05:31 – At Work
06:27 – Online: Public Contempt Preformed for Audience
07:33 – The Temptation of Contempt
08:33 – Why Civility Isn’t Enough
09:16 – The Better Way
10:43 – How Grace Stops Contempt
11:25 – Challenge
12:32 – An Ounce

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🎥 Watch More Great Videos:
👉 You’ve Been Lied To: The Truth Behind History’s Biggest Myths – What else have we been so sure about… and so wrong?
https://youtu.be/JpHTMQV-XPQ
➡️ The Dumbest Argument Ever Made—About the Shape of the Earth – A look at the dangers of doubling down when you're dead wrong.
https://youtu.be/OtW7a8OPPFA
➡️ The Nicholas Effect – A true story about choosing grace over contempt—and changing lives.
https://youtu.be/Affw-qmLQog
➡️ If It Feels Good – How something soothing (like contempt) can be more dangerous than it seems. https://youtu.be/Z39Qf8z0gB4
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📚 References & Resources:
1. Pew Research (2021):
https://www.pewresearch.org/politics/2021/11/09/americans-politics-and-politicians/
2. John Gottman on contempt and divorce:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/
3. Nelson Mandela’s inaugural address & reconciliation:
https://www.sahistory.org.za/article/inaugural-address-president-nelson-mandela-1994
4. RBG and Scalia friendship (NPR):
https://www.npr.org/2016/02/14/466620117/the-odd-couple-antonin-scalia-and-ruth-bader-ginsburg
5. Socrates and questioning truth (Plato’s Apology summary):
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/socrates/
6. Frederick Douglass and William Lloyd Garrison (Blight, 2018):
https://www.pulitzer.org/winners/david-w-blight
7. Additional Reading: More Love, Less Contempt, Arthur C. Brooks, President of the American Enterprise Institute, April 25, 2019. Found at- https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/arthur-c-brooks/more-love-less-contempt/
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🛒 Check Out My Book:
Firehouse Philosophy – Real stories and lessons from an exceptional life
📘 On Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Firehouse-Philosophy-Embers-Insight-Exceptional/dp/B0BJ58Q1FS
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📬 Contact / Collaboration Inquiries:
jim@anounce.org
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🎵 Credits:
Music: VENTATESANANDA by Jesse Gallagher from YouTube Library
Illustrative and Background Visuals: iStock, Getty, Wikimedia, and AI-generated
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