Matthew Taylor from Brighton Touted as Next Pope

Brighton, United Kingdom – April 21, 2025
In an unprecedented development rocking the foundations of the Roman Catholic Church, Matthew Taylor, a Brighton-based YouTuber, political activist, and spiritual provocateur, is being touted as the next Pope.
The news has sent shockwaves through both religious and secular circles, as Taylor—not a cardinal, not even a bishop—is being considered as a papal candidate in a move that breaks centuries of rigid ecclesiastical tradition. While the Vatican has yet to confirm or deny the whispers echoing through the hallowed halls, the name “Matthew” is now resonating louder than ever within the ancient city.
In Hebrew, Matthew translates as “Gift from God”—a linguistic flourish not lost on commentators and theologians who are now speculating whether Taylor's rise could be divinely ordained or merely a bold populist statement from a Church in crisis.
A Revolutionary Promise: Open the Vatican Library
Taylor, known for his confrontational videos, political satire, and fringe investigative work, has not shied away from making bold declarations. In a statement released to his followers and the global press, Taylor promised that if elected Pope, he will open the Vatican Library in its entirety to the public, including the sealed archives that many claim hold secrets about everything from extraterrestrials to ancient heresies.
“The world has waited long enough,” said Taylor from the steps of Brighton Pavilion, donned in white with a homemade mitre. “If I am chosen to lead the Church, the veil of secrecy shall be lifted. No more hiding the truth behind marble walls.”
Not a Bishop? Not a Problem?
Historically, the Pope must be a male Catholic and a bishop, although technically any baptized male Catholic could be elected. If Taylor were selected, canon law would require his rapid ordination through the necessary ranks—priest, then bishop—in a fast-tracked process that would challenge centuries of Vatican tradition.
Despite this, his growing grassroots support and social media following present a compelling narrative. Some see Taylor as the spiritual insurgent the Church needs in a time when faith is waning, scandals are rising, and transparency is in demand.
A Vatican insider, speaking under condition of anonymity, remarked:
“The conclave is meant to listen to the Holy Spirit. If the Spirit chooses an outsider to reform the Church, who are we to stand in the way?”
Supporters and Skeptics
Reaction has been mixed. Supporters see Taylor as a visionary capable of returning the Church to its mystical and revolutionary roots. Critics, including high-ranking clergy, have labeled the idea “ludicrous,” calling Taylor’s candidacy a “satirical stunt” or worse, “blasphemous theatre.”
Yet others, including disaffected Catholics and truth-seekers, argue that such a shake-up is long overdue.
Cardinal Rinaldo Accardi of Palermo commented cautiously:
“The Church must be open to the voice of the people, but also to the sacred process. If Mr. Taylor truly walks with God, time will reveal His plan.”
A Divine Comedy or Prophetic Destiny?
Only time will tell whether Matthew Taylor’s papal buzz is a passing media storm or the start of a theological revolution. The papal conclave, due to convene in secret next month following Pope Francis's surprise abdication, now faces a choice that could define the Church for generations.
From Brighton to the Basilica, eyes are on Taylor—a man once dismissed as a fringe figure, now potentially ascending to the holiest office in Christendom.
Whether this “Gift from God” is unwrapped with reverence or recoil remains to be seen.