What is going on with a Narcissist? How to deal with them.

Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others.[1][2] Narcissism, named after the Greek mythological figure Narcissus, has evolved into a psychological concept studied extensively since the early 20th century, and it has been deemed highly relevant in various societal domains.[3]

Narcissism exists on a continuum that ranges from normal to abnormal personality expression.[4] While many psychologists believe that a moderate degree of narcissism is normal and healthy in humans, there are also more extreme forms, observable particularly in people who have a personality condition like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), where one's narcissistic qualities become pathological,[4][5] leading to functional impairment and psychosocial disability.[6] It has also been discussed in dark triad studies, along with subclinical psychopathy and Machiavellianism.[7][8][9]

Historical background
The term narcissism is derived from Narcissus, a character in Greek mythology best known from the telling in Roman poet Ovid's Metamorphoses, written in 8 CE. Book III of the poem tells the mythical story of a handsome young man, Narcissus, who spurns the advances of many potential lovers. When Narcissus rejects the nymph Echo, who was cursed to only echo the sounds that others made, the gods punish Narcissus by making him fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. When Narcissus discovers that the object of his love cannot love him back, he slowly pines away and dies.[10]

The concept of excessive selfishness has been recognized throughout history. In ancient Greece, the concept was understood as hubris.[11] Some religious movements such as the Hussites attempted to rectify what they viewed as the shattering and narcissistic cultures of recent centuries.[12]

It was not until the late 1800s that narcissism began to be defined in psychological terms.[13] Since that time, the term has had a significant divergence in meaning in psychology. It has been used to describe:

A sexual perversion,
A normal developmental stage,
A symptom in psychosis, and
A characteristic in several of the object relations [subtypes].[14]
In 1889, psychiatrists Paul Näcke and Havelock Ellis used the term "narcissism", independently of each other, to describe a person who treats their own body in the same way in which the body of a sexual partner is ordinarily treated. Narcissism, in this context, was seen as a perversion that consumed a person's entire sexual life.[13] In 1911 Otto Rank published the first clinical paper about narcissism, linking it to vanity and self-admiration.[15][13]

In an essay in 1913 called "The God complex", Ernest Jones considered extreme narcissism as a character trait. He described people with the God complex as being aloof, self-important, overconfident, auto-erotic, inaccessible, self-admiring, and exhibitionistic, with fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience. He observed that these people had a high need for uniqueness.[16][17][18]

Sigmund Freud (1914) published his theory of narcissism in a lengthy essay titled "On Narcissism: An Introduction". For Freud, narcissism refers to the individual's direction of libidinal energy toward themselves rather than objects and others.[19] He postulated a universal "primary narcissism", that was a phase of sexual development in early infancy – a necessary intermediate stage between auto-eroticism and object-love, love for others. Portions of this 'self-love' or ego-libido are, at later stages of development, expressed outwardly, or "given off" toward others. Freud's postulation of a "secondary narcissism" came as a result of his observation of the peculiar nature of the schizophrenic's relation to themselves and the world. He observed that the two fundamental qualities of such patients were megalomania and withdrawal of interest from the real world of people and things: "the libido that has been withdrawn from the external world has been directed to the ego and thus gives rise to an attitude which may be called narcissism."[20][21] It is a secondary narcissism because it is not a new creation but a magnification of an already existing condition (primary narcissism).

In 1925, Robert Waelder conceptualized narcissism as a personality trait. His definition described individuals who are condescending, feel superior to others, are preoccupied with admiration, and exhibit a lack of empathy.[22] Waelder's work and his case study have been influential in the way narcissism and the clinical disorder narcissistic personality disorder are defined today.[citation needed] His patient was a successful scientist with an attitude of superiority, an obsession with fostering self-respect, and a lack of normal feelings of guilt. The patient was aloof and independent from others, had an inability to empathize with others, and was selfish sexually. Waelder's patient was also overly logical and analytical and valued abstract intellectual thought over the practical application of scientific knowledge.[23]

Karen Horney (1939) postulated that narcissism was on a spectrum that ranged from healthy self-esteem to a pathological state.[22]

The term entered the broader social consciousness following the publication of The Culture of Narcissism by Christopher Lasch in 1979.[24] Since then, social media, bloggers, and self-help authors have indiscriminately applied "narcissism"[25] as a label for the self-serving and for all domestic abusers.[26][27]

Characteristics
Normal and healthy levels of narcissism
Some psychologists suggest that a moderate level of narcissism is supportive of good psychological health. Self-esteem works as a mediator between narcissism and psychological health. Elevated self-esteem, in moderation, supports resilience and ambition, but excessive self-focus can distort social relationships.[28][29]

Destructive levels of narcissism
While narcissism, in and of itself, can be considered a normal personality trait, high levels of narcissistic behavior can be harmful to both self and others.[30][31] Destructive narcissism is the constant exhibition of a few of the intense characteristics usually associated with pathological narcissistic personality disorder such as a "pervasive pattern of grandiosity", which is characterized by feelings of entitlement and superiority, arrogant or haughty behaviors, and a generalized lack of empathy and concern for others.[2] On a spectrum, destructive narcissism is more extreme than healthy narcissism but not as extreme as the pathological condition.[32]

Pathological levels of narcissism
Main article: Narcissistic personality disorder
Extremely high levels of narcissistic behavior are considered pathological.[33] The pathological condition of narcissism[specify] is a magnified, extreme manifestation of healthy narcissism.[citation needed] It manifests itself in the inability to love others, lack of empathy, emptiness, boredom, and an unremitting need to search for power, while making the person unavailable to others.[30] The clinical theorists Kernberg, Kohut, and Theodore Millon all saw pathological narcissism as a possible outcome in response to unempathetic and inconsistent early childhood interactions. They suggested that narcissists try to compensate in adult relationships.[34] German psychoanalyst Karen Horney (1885–1952) also saw the narcissistic personality as a temperament trait molded by a certain kind of early environment.[35]

Heritability
Heritability studies using twins have shown that narcissistic traits, as measured by standardized tests, are often inherited.[36] Narcissism was found to have a high heritability score (0.64) indicating that the concordance of this trait in the identical twins was significantly influenced by genetics as compared to an environmental causation. It has also been shown that there is a continuum or spectrum of narcissistic traits ranging from normal to a pathological personality.[37][38] Furthermore, evidence suggests that individual elements of narcissism have their own heritability score. For example, intrapersonal grandiosity has a score of 0.23, and interpersonal entitlement has a score of 0.35.[39] While the genetic impact on narcissism levels is significant, it is not the only factor at play.[citation needed]

Expressions of narcissism
Primary expressions
Two primary expressions of narcissism have been identified: grandiose ("thick-skinned") and vulnerable ("thin-skinned"). Recent accounts posit that the core of narcissism is self-centred antagonism (or "entitled self-importance"), namely selfishness, entitlement, lack of empathy, and devaluation of others.[40] Grandiosity and vulnerability are seen as different expressions of this antagonistic core, arising from individual differences in the strength of the approach and avoidance motivational systems.[41] Some researchers[who?] have posited that genuine narcissists may fall into the vulnerable narcissism subtype, whereas grandiose narcissism might be a form of psychopathy.[42]

Grandiose narcissism
Narcissistic grandiosity is thought to arise from a combination of the antagonistic core with temperamental boldness—defined by positive emotionality, social dominance, reward-seeking and risk-taking. Grandiosity is defined—in addition to antagonism—by a confident, exhibitionistic and manipulative self-regulatory style:[41]

High self-esteem and a clear sense of uniqueness and superiority, with fantasies of success and power, and lofty ambitions.
Social potency, marked by exhibitionistic, authoritative, charismatic and self-promoting interpersonal behaviors.
Exploitative, self-serving relational dynamics; short-term relationship transactions defined by manipulation and privileging of personal gain over other benefits of socialization.
A similar concept[43] is the phallic narcissistic personality type, first identified by Wilhelm Reich.[44] Someone with this personality type has an excessively inflated self-image, is elitist, a "social climber", admiration seeking, self-promoting, bragging and empowered by social success.[45] According to Otto Fenichel, 'Phallic characters are persons whose behavior is reckless, resolute and self-assured - traits, however, that have a reactive character: they reflect a fixation at the phallic level, with overvaluation of the penis and confusion of the penis with the whole body."[46][verify] Fenichel stressed that "an intense vanity and sensitiveness reveals that these narcissistic patients still have their narcissistic needs...for which they overcompensate."[46]

Vulnerable narcissism
Narcissistic vulnerability is thought to arise from a combination of the antagonistic core with temperamental reactivity—defined by negative emotionality, social avoidance, passivity and marked proneness to rage. Vulnerability is defined—in addition to antagonism—by a shy, vindictive and needy self-regulatory style:[41]

Low and contingent self-esteem, unstable and unclear sense of self, and resentment of others' success
Social withdrawal, resulting from shame, distrust of others' intentions, and concerns over being accepted
Needy, obsessive relational dynamics; long-term relationship transactions defined by an excessive need for admiration, approval and support, and vengefulness when needs are unmet
Other expressions
Sexual
Sexual narcissism has been described as an egocentric pattern of sexual behavior that involves an inflated sense of sexual ability or sexual entitlement, sometimes in the form of extramarital affairs. This can be overcompensation for low self-esteem or an inability to sustain true intimacy.[47]

While this behavioral pattern is believed to be more common in men than in women,[48][49] it occurs in both males and females who compensate for feelings of sexual inadequacy by becoming overly proud or obsessed with their masculinity or femininity.[50]

The controversial condition referred to as "sexual addiction" is believed by some experts to be sexual narcissism or sexual compulsivity, rather than an addictive behavior.[51]

Parental
Main article: Narcissistic parents
Narcissistic parents often see their children as extensions of themselves and encourage the children to act in ways that support the parents' emotional and self-esteem needs.[52] Due to their vulnerability, children may be significantly affected by this behavior.[53] To meet the parents' needs, the child may sacrifice their own wants and feelings.[54] A child subjected to this type of parenting may struggle in adulthood with their intimate relationships.

In extreme situations, this parenting style can result in estranged relationships with the children, coupled with feelings of resentment, and in some cases, self-destructive tendencies.[52]

Origins of narcissism in children can often come from the social learning theory. The social learning theory proposes that social behavior is learned by observing and imitating others' behavior. This suggests that children are anticipated to grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them.[55]