Blackpilled Doomer Journal Entry #01

To whoever may find their way into this video I welcome you. I'm a doomer, blackpilled, the name is Crimson, and I'll be sharing my thoughts, my feelings, and more with no filter, just pure and honest in this video and others to come. In the small chance that anyone may find themselves resonating with my thoughts and feelings my heart goes out to you. May you be free from your suffering sooner rather than later.

Blackpilled Doomer Journal Entry #01
Every day I wake up I find it takes all of my willpower to get myself out of bed. There is nothing to look forward to. Just another day locked in perpetual suffering, and in a world devoid of color. All I’m able to do is drown myself in the few “copes” that I have just so that I might escape my current reality for long enough. Thus, minimizing my suffering until my next eventual respite which is only provided by sleeping. The only time where I am truly able to be free from it all. In my sleep there is only the unconscious void. No dreams, only silence and peace. In my waking hours I ponder on how wonderful it would be to one day fall asleep and never wake again. No more suffering, no more pain, no more sadness. I’m not ashamed to admit that I lack the strength required to remove myself from this plane of existence. Mainly for two reasons. The first being cowardice; born of my primal instinct to survive and my inability to purge that part of me entirely. The second being, my mother. I cannot bring myself to cause my mother that kind of pain by creating a wound so deep that would never heal. My mother has been the only person to love me unconditionally despite everything, including all of my faults, all of my failures and shortcomings. She, also, is the only person that hasn’t given up on me and perhaps never will. I cannot put into words how much it all means to me. It brings some balance to the scales that govern my life. This is enough to deter me from causing her such a wound. I know that I would be justified and be well within my rights to do so just for having brought me into this decaying world against my will. Perhaps one day when my mother is long gone, and I am able to overcome my cowardice I will be able to take the final step and remove myself from this plane of existence so that I may suffer no more. Should death claim me before then, however, whether suddenly or unexpectedly, I would gladly welcome it and just hope for the pain to be as minimal as possible or all together absent. Until then, not a single day won’t go by where I won’t find myself coming to the same conclusion; that it just would have been better to never have been born in the first place at all.