Man Downtown Portland Waving Machete Could Use a Hug

A man in downtown Portland, spotted waving a machete in the air and passionately arguing with a lamppost, appears to be in dire need of a hug, according to multiple witnesses who observed the situation with a mix of concern and understanding.

"He wasn't really threatening anyone," said local coffee shop barista Jayden Marks, who watched from a safe distance while sipping an oat milk cortado. "It was more of a dramatic performance, like a one-man Shakespeare in the Park… but with a blade. I think he just needs someone to tell him it's going to be okay."