9 months ago

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President’s Day, an early shift, and Uber’s algorithm out here gaslighting me again. The week wasn’t bad—I cleared $900, but today? Today is one of those days. We’re talking short trips with long wait times, canceled rides, and the usual reminder that Uber doesn’t give a damn about its drivers. But the TikTok trolls? They love me. My screengrab rants are blowing up, and apparently, I’m now an unskilled worker who should get a real job. Groundbreaking take, guys.

Meanwhile, I’ve diagnosed myself with Uber Brain—that Pavlovian response to the app’s little chime. I hear the sound, I react. I’m basically a lab rat with car payments. And speaking of things I can’t unsee, let’s discuss personal hygiene. If you haven’t showered in a week, maybe consider not getting into my car. Uber should be charging a Smelly Passenger Fee. Instead, they’re out here finessing the surge map—showing it when I’m offline, making it disappear when I sign in, then reappearing right after I decline a no-surge ride. Coincidence? I think not.

Later, I vent about Uber expecting us to be unpaid medical assistants. Why am I responsible for escorting a wheelchair-bound passenger when the hospital that ordered the ride couldn’t even send a nurse? And don’t get me started on the guy who got in my car dripping wet after his boat ride, ruining my seats, then calling me a dick for pointing it out. Uber’s solution? We’ll make sure you never get him again. Gee, thanks. That helps so much. The night wraps up with a few airport runs and one last showdown with the surge bait-and-switch. Classic.

Timestamps:
0:00:00 – Kicking off a President’s Day Uber shift.
0:00:35 – Decent earnings last week, but Uber’s still a mess.
0:00:58 – My TikTok rants are blowing up—people love to troll me.
0:02:12 – Passengers hate waiting, but when we complain, it’s our fault.
0:04:22 – Uber Brain is real—this app has rewired me.
0:05:12 – Bird crap on my car. Time for El Carwash.
0:07:20 – Uber X passengers don’t respect clean cars.
0:09:54 – Uber’s ridiculous ride offers—long pickups for short trips.
0:12:31 – Uber’s system is counterproductive for both drivers and riders.
0:18:14 – Uber expects us to be unpaid medical assistants now?
0:24:23 – Homeless passenger reeks—why is Uber not charging them a fee?
0:26:13 – Uber should implement a "Did You Shower?" pop-up before rides.
0:29:09 – Finally, a normal passenger. What a rare moment.
0:38:24 – Diamond Transition—starting the night shift.
0:39:23 – Airport strategy—avoiding the bait-and-switch surge game.
0:44:11 – Why I prefer airport rides—passengers are (usually) normal.
0:48:48 – Storytime: The Saturday night ride that pissed me off.
0:49:30 – Passenger SOAKED my back seat and acted like I was the problem.
0:50:44 – Uber’s response? "We’ll make sure you never get him again."
0:53:59 – Move on. Don’t let bad rides ruin your whole day.
0:59:53 – Uber’s surge manipulation—fooling drivers into activating.
1:02:06 – Uber’s AI-driven pay model is a test run for other industries.
1:05:11 – Final airport run. Wrapping up the night.
1:06:31 – Beep beep beep—like, comment, and sus-scribe!