Roasting the Future: AI, Delivery Apps, and Bad Comedians! | Punchline Planet

Join me as we dive into the weirdness that is 2025! From the never-ending rollercoaster of technology, to memes, AI jokes, and the chaos of modern-day social media – nothing is safe from being roasted! Watch as I break down our strange reality with laughs and a whole lot of truth. If you like tech jokes, social media rants, and just pure stand-up comedy magic, hit that like button and subscribe! Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments below – especially if you’ve accidentally liked an ex’s post. Oops!"

This script keeps it relatable by touching on popular themes like AI, social media, and modern-day frustrations. The tone is light and fun, making it perfect for platforms like YouTube and Rumble. The title, tags, and description are designed to catch the attention of a global audience.

You said:
Give me only script but in such a way that it should increase retention
ChatGPT said:
ChatGPT
Here’s a stand-up comedy script specifically designed to boost viewer retention. The key here is pacing, quick punchlines, and a continuous flow to keep the audience engaged:

[Opening]
“Alright, alright! Let’s talk about how we’re living in 2025. Yeah, 2025. Feels like we should’ve already had flying cars by now, right? But instead, we’re out here still arguing about pineapple on pizza. Priorities, people."

[Tech and AI jokes]
"Speaking of 2025, I love how tech is just... taking over. Like, remember when we used to read books? Now, we just scroll through TikTok like it’s a survival skill. And AI, don’t even get me started on AI—people are getting their stand-up written by robots now. It’s like, ‘Hey ChatGPT, tell me a joke,’ and it’s like, ‘Here’s one...’ And it’s funnier than half of the open mic nights I’ve seen!”

[Social Media and Zoom Era]
“Honestly, social media’s a whole other animal. Back in the day, we used Facebook to actually... talk to people—now it’s just a place for my aunt to post a 17-minute video of her dog dressed as a pirate. And don’t even get me started on Zoom. I miss the days when I could go to a meeting, drink coffee, and pretend to care. Now, it’s like, ‘Please mute yourself!’ ‘Unmute yourself!’ ‘Sorry, I was on mute...’ You’re always on mute, Carol!”

[Relatable frustrations with tech]
“And speaking of things that frustrate me… why is my Wi-Fi always ‘unstable’ when I’m trying to watch the latest episode of The Mandalorian? Like, I pay for the top-tier plan, but my internet connection’s out here acting like it’s still running on dial-up from the ‘90s!”

[Trending culture]
“TikTok is wild, though. It’s the only app where you can go from ‘How to bake a cake’ to ‘Did we just find Bigfoot?’ in under three scrolls. I don’t even know who’s making these trends. Yesterday, I saw a guy lip-syncing to ‘Eye of the Tiger,’ while his cat was playing the drums. I’m like... how did we get here, people?”

[Quick punchlines for fast pacing]
"By the way, has anyone tried those food delivery apps recently? It's 2025, and I’m out here paying $5 extra for ‘handling fees.’ Handling what? What’s happening in the back? Are they hand-delivering my pizza with a high-five? Should I tip the delivery driver in Bitcoin now? I don’t know what’s happening anymore!"

[Closing motivation with humor]
“Look, at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to make it through this wild ride called life. We’re figuring out how to be better, how to survive, how to not accidentally ‘like’ an ex’s post from 2017. And hey, we’re doing alright. So, remember: Keep laughing, keep swiping, and, for the love of God, keep your Wi-Fi on. ‘Cause without that, I’m pretty sure we’d all be dead."

[Exit line]
“Thanks for hanging out with me, folks! I’ll be back next time—unless I get banned for using too many TikTok references. Have a good one!”

Why This Script Increases Retention:
Short punchlines and fast pacing – Keeps viewers on their toes, minimizing chances of them losing interest.
Relatable tech and social media references – Today’s audience is glued to their phones and social media, so touching on these themes will keep them hooked.
Engaging tone with quick transitions – Moving seamlessly between topics ensures no lull in the energy, which keeps the momentum going.
Unexpected twists – Jokes about Wi-Fi struggles, delivery apps, and social media add a surprising element, keeping things fresh.
Audience connection – Encourages the viewers to laugh at themselves (or their habits), making it more personal and engaging.

You said:
Make video more long and increase retention and include name of channel punchline planet in it as comedy intro or roasting the other comedians in video script
ChatGPT said:
ChatGPT
Sure! Here's an extended version of the script with pacing to keep retention high. I’ve also added a comedy intro for your channel "Punchline Planet" and a fun roast of other comedians to spice things up!

[Comedy Intro]

(Enter with high energy)
"Welcome, welcome to Punchline Planet! Where the jokes are hot, and the Wi-Fi is always questionable! If you’re here, you’re in the right place, 'cause this is where we roast the world and every comedian who’s ever said, ‘I’ll just wing it!’ Spoiler alert: We all know you’re winging it, Dave, and you’re killing us with those dad jokes."

(Pause for a beat)
"Alright, let’s get into it... We’re living in 2025, folks. How wild is that? I don’t know about you, but I expected more by now. I thought we'd have flying cars, teleportation... instead, we’re still trying to figure out how to get our grandparents to stop sending us chain emails about ‘the secret cure for everything’ that’s apparently 'been suppressed by Big Pharma!'"

[Tech and AI Jokes]

"But seriously, technology’s taken over. We’re in the future, but we’re not in Star Trek; we’re just trying to figure out how to use AI without it turning into Skynet. Like, I had AI write me a joke, and it came out funnier than half of the open mics I’ve been to. I mean, at least ChatGPT doesn’t pause awkwardly between punchlines going, 'Uh, I think that one was… too much?' No, Dave, that was just not funny. You can’t just say, ‘I’m not a regular dad, I’m a cool dad’ and expect us to laugh. This isn’t a 2005 sitcom."

[Roasting Other Comedians]

"Speaking of which, have you seen some of these other comedians lately? I don’t know if it’s me, or if everyone’s just getting way too comfortable. I mean, there’s this one guy, right? He tells the same joke every time about how he ‘got a parking ticket’ and somehow makes it sound like it’s fresh material. Bro, your parking ticket is older than your jokes at this point! You should be getting a time machine ticket, ‘cause your punchlines are stuck in 2012!"

(Pause and laugh)
"And then there’s that one comedian who always starts with, ‘So, I was walking down the street…’ like, bro, nobody cares where you were walking! Did you trip on the sidewalk, or was it just the fact that you couldn’t find your setup? Tell me that! At least I’m telling jokes about how my Wi-Fi’s been out for 3 hours and it feels like a hostage situation—at least it’s relevant, right?"

[Social Media Trends and Culture]

"Speaking of ‘relevant,’ let’s talk about social media for a minute. In 2025, I’m convinced that no one actually talks anymore—we just send memes back and forth like we’re all running a secret club. But seriously, if you send me a meme about ‘how cats are secretly plotting against us,’ I’m blocking you. Do you think I’ve got time to be laughing at memes when my cat is looking me dead in the eye like it knows I didn’t feed it on time this morning? Like, we’re one wrong look away from a real revolution, and I’m over here getting tagged in conspiracy theories about furry overlords.”

[Zoom and Online Life]

"Now let’s talk about Zoom life. You guys ever have one of those Zoom calls where someone’s microphone is all static and you’re just sitting there nodding along pretending you can hear them? ‘Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, totally, no, yeah…’ Meanwhile, all you hear is 'zzzzzzzt’—I’m not listening to your ‘team synergy’ speech, Karen! I’m just hoping the Wi-Fi doesn’t cut out so I can get back to the real important stuff, like stalking my ex’s Instagram story and pretending I’m not checking out their new boyfriend’s haircut."

[Tech Frustrations]

"Speaking of tech frustrations, why is my phone so smart that it knows I’ve just run out of storage but refuses to tell me what it’s storing? I’m scrolling through my apps, like, ‘Hey, I got no room for a picture of my dog, but I can store 48 copies of that random meme from 2016?' This phone’s smarter than me... and it’s still acting like it’s ‘too full’ for a basic text message."

[Delivery App Jokes]

"Now, how about food delivery apps? We’ve all been there—looking at the menu for 30 minutes like we’re ordering dinner from the future. You click ‘Order Now,’ and suddenly you’re getting charged $5 extra for ‘handling fees.’ Handling what?! Handling my bank account like it’s a piñata, that’s what! What are they doing in the back? Is my pizza getting the royal treatment while I’m over here figuring out if I should tip in Bitcoin or just pay in ‘hope’? It’s absurd!"

[Quick Punchlines to Maintain Pace]

"And let’s be real, nothing in 2025 makes sense anymore. I just bought a plant, right? I thought I was doing something good for my mental health. Next thing I know, I’m Googling, ‘Why does my plant look sad? Am I a bad plant parent?’ Then I got recommended therapy apps for my plant’s emotional wellbeing. I’m like, what is happening? I’m looking for help for my succulents now?"

[Audience Connection and Motivation with Humor]

"Look, we’re all in this together, right? We’re just trying to survive 2025. We’ve got AI writing our jokes, Wi-Fi constantly breaking up with us, and social media making us feel like we’ve missed 17 trends because we were too busy Googling ‘Can dogs eat pizza?’ But hey, at least we’re here. We’re surviving the chaos. We’re laughing through the mess. So, remember: even when everything’s falling apart, just laugh about it—because, let’s face it, we can’t fix it. But at least we can laugh about it together."

[Closing]

"Thanks for sticking with me, guys! I’ll be here next time, probably roasting Wi-Fi or talking about how my plant’s going to therapy. Catch you all on the next episode of Punchline Planet! Stay safe, stay funny, and—please, for the love of all things good—get off your phone long enough to enjoy the rest of the day. Bye!"

Why This Version Increases Retention:
Extended Length with Constant Pacing – This script keeps moving quickly from topic to topic, ensuring that the audience doesn’t lose interest. It’s long but engaging, with short punchlines and rapid transitions.
Incorporating Your Channel Name Early & Often – The “Punchline Planet” name is mentioned from the start and even roasted in the middle, reinforcing the brand.
Roasting Comedians – This adds a fun element that keeps things fresh. People like to see comedians joke about each other, especially when it’s playful but sharp.
Audience Connection – The humor is directly tied to common experiences everyone can relate to, making the audience feel connected and engaged.
Fast-Paced Jokes with Quick Punchlines – The script doesn’t linger too long on any one thing, making sure viewers stay hooked.
Callbacks and Motifs – Repeating phrases like “Wi-Fi,” “AI,” and “delivery apps” keeps the audience following the thread of the jokes, while creating patterns that help with retention.

#StandUpComedy
#2025Comedy
#ViralComedy
#AIJokes
#TrendingHumor
#SocialMediaComedy
#TechComedy
#ComedyChannel
#FunnyTikTok
#AIandHumor