Kimmel Alludes Mike Johnson Is a ‘Man-Made Disaster’ for California Just Like Climate Change

KIMMEL: “Thank you for joining us here in Los Angeles, where I don’t want to ruin the fun, but we find ourselves once again on fire. There’s another fire spreading north of us at Castaic lake. Thousands of people are being evacuated again. I have to say, in times like these, I am grateful we have stiff-spined, strong-minded leaders like Squirrel of the House Mike Johnson —
(Laughter)
>> Who pulled Trump’s little nuts out of his mouth for just a minute, long enough to assure us that he would never sink so low as to play politics with much-needed federal aid to our state.”

[Clip starts]
Hannity: “You go to California, they’re a sanctuary state, L.A. and San Francisco are sanctuary cities. Okay. Gavin is doubling down on a ‘fight Trump’ agenda, you know, Trump-proof California. And so, are you saying that California, if they continue to aid and abet law-breaking and harboring illegal immigrants, money from D.C. gets cut off?”
Johnson: “Yeah, we’re talking about conditions to this disaster aid. Look, they’re natural disasters, but there are man-made disasters as well.”
[Clip ends]

KIMMEL: “And which one are you?
(Laughter)
Because you would think, as people living in an area prone to wildfires, we’d get a bit more sympathy from an elf who lives if a hollowed-out tree.
(Laughter)
But that doesn’t fly in MAGA-land, I guess. Mike Johnson is such a little kiss-ass. I’ve been trying to figure out who he reminds me of. I think it’s this guy, the little —
(Laughter)
Yes. There’s Donald and Mike. The fact of the matter is, the only man-made part of this disaster is the climate change part of this disaster, which Mike’s party pretends does not exist, even though they were having snowball fights on Bourbon Street today. There was snow in Louisiana today. They got 9 inches of snow in Florida today. This hasn’t happened in 70 years. A blanket of snow covered the beach, the Florida Panhandle. There was snow from Tallahassee to Pensacola. Children were voluntarily being swallowed by alligators just to stay warm.
(Laughter)
In Lafayette, Louisiana, the unusual icy roads had drivers and even weather reporters on edge.”

[Clip starts]
Reporter: “John, you know, we’ve seen our fair share — look, there’s somebody peeling out. Watch out, John, watch out, John. See, this is something we encourage people not to do. I don’t know how cool that guy thinks he is. I wish that Lafayette police officer would roll up on him and shut that down. Hey, man, can you turn your lights on and shut that down? Unbelievable, bro. Like — so that’s the kind of stuff we don’t love to do, which is why at times you wonder why we may be standing in certain spots. Just not — just not it, bro. You know, John’s got a family, I’ve got a family, we’re all just trying to do our job bringing you up to date. That was wack. I know my boy thought he was cool, but I ain’t rockin’ with it. Super lame. Anyway, let me chill out. Boy, I tell you what, John, that got me hot, bro. That got me hot, baby. I wish he’d roll back over here, we’ll show him what’s happening. I’m just kidding. Anyway, please be safe.”
[Clip ends]

(Applause)
KIMMEL: “Could we get a therapist to the corner of Evangeline Thruway and Surrey Street? We’ve got a time bomb waiting to blow there.
(Laughter)
In Philadelphia, it’s so cold right now some of the locals have lost the ability to spell.”

[Clip starts]
UNKNOWN: “Well, listen, we’ve got to do this. Let me hear you all say, E, L, G, S, E, S — Eagles! Let’s go, Birds!”
[Clip ends]

(Laughter)
KIMMEL: “That’s how you spell Eagles? That was the mayor of Philadelphia. That was the mayor! I’ve never seen anyone spell a word so wrong in so many different ways.
(Laughter)
This has to be God punishing us for pulling out of the Paris climate accord. It snowed in Georgia, Alabama, it snowed in Texas. Senator Ted Cruz is requesting an extra blanket on his United flight to Cabo as we speak!
(Laughter)
It did not snow at Mar-a-Lago. That’s when hell officially freezes over.”