HEADLINES! KIMMEL CRIES AGAIN! NEWSCUM BURNS DOWN CA! WILL FERREL CANNIBAL CLUB!

THE LATEST HEADLINES! CRYBABY KIMMEL! POCAHONTAS FLUB! DIRECT ENERGY WEAPONS! Q MEGA-MEMES! WILL FERREL IS A CANNIBAL! RALLYS ARE RITUALS! IS CREEPY GAVIN NEWSCUM BURNING CALIFORNIA DOWN ON PURPOSE!?

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