Colbert Mocks Biden’s Mental Acuity: ‘That Joe Biden Story Is the Most Joe Biden, Joe Biden Has Ever Joe Bidened’

COLBERT: “Yesterday, President Biden was in California, doing what presidents should do, pledging federal disaster support to a stricken state. At the press conference, Biden also made a personal announcement.”

[Clip starts]
Biden: “But the good news is I’m a great-grandfather as of today. My eldest granddaughter. A 10-pound 4-ounce baby girl — baby boy.”
[Clip ends]

(Laughter)
COLBERT: “Congratulations, Mr. President, but I gotta say, there it is: the future the GOP warned us about. Your child starts out as a girl, but by the end of the sentence, she’s a boy. You happy, Democrats?
(Laughter and Applause)
This happy occasion makes Joe Biden the first sitting president to become a great-grandfather while in office. And with under two weeks left, there’s still time for Joe to set more old-man presidential records: most malt-o-meal consumed at 4:00 A.M., most rubber bands collected in an old cigar box, first president ever to fall asleep at a picnic and be carried away by ants.
(Laughter)
He does seem very light, doesn’t he? He seems very light. Biden also gave a farewell interview to the number one newspaper left on the floor of hotel hallways, USA Today. And just in time, because there may be no USA tomorrow.
(Laughter)
Biden came out swinging in this interview. When asked, ?Do you believe you could have won in November?,’ Joe replied, ‘I think yes, based on the polling.’ It was actually a very recent survey of younger voters — specifically, one baby girl/baby boy.
(Laughter)
When the Reporter asked a follow-up, ‘Do you think you would’ve had the vigor to serve another four years in office?,’ Biden responded, ‘I don’t know.’
(Laughter)
Sir, with a life-and-death job like this, it’s kind of important to have a can-do attitude. ‘Throw me the baby!’ ‘Okay! Can you catch him?’ ‘I dunno.’ The president also left us with a gift on his way out the door, because in this interview, he told one heck of a Joe Biden story. Brace yourselves, and you should pack a snack, ’cause here we go. ‘It used to be, when I was a kid, I was always the guy who was, and I don’t mean to sound the wrong way, the leader of the pack, the neighbor. We’d build a fort and I’d say, ’Look, we build this thing. Val gets to come.’ You think I’m kidding? I’m not. Billy Kotzwinkle, the guy who wrote that famous... Oh, god. The book about... It was a bestseller. [Inaudible] This one, that one. One of these... Anyway, when I got elected, he said — he was from Scranton — ‘I knew you were going to make it. You’re the only guy in all our neighborhood ever climbed up the flagpole in Maloney field and sat on the ball on top.’’ That Joe Biden story is the most Joe Biden Joe Biden has ever Joe Biden’d.
(Cheering and Applause)
A rambling yarn boasting about a physical feat that could only have been accomplished by one of the little rascals.”