Grandkid Gatekeeping: New Grandparents Beg For Snuggles, But New Parents Are Too Hip For That

Posted • January 8, 2025: When I saw this tweet, I knew I had to write a diatribe. I have lots of opinions on this issue. -- Mother in law won't take no for an answer trying to hold newborn only 2 days after birth. 😬 A slight caveat … I am assuming most new grandparents are sane and capable people who did the best job they could as parents and would in no way harm a grandchild. Obviously, there are toxic people who were horrible parents and they should be kept from helpless babies. Moving on. There is no reason this grandmother should be kept from holding her grandchild. Dad of baby should have stepped in and encouraged his wife to let his mother hold the baby and perhaps she could take a quick nap or shower or stretch. -- Jenna @mom_of_littles: “Kinda shocked at the number of people defending MIL here. I’m not one to withhold my baby from someone that wants to hold them, but ignoring parents requests and boundaries like this woman did is a surefire way to never hold that baby ever. And letting herself into their home?!”

The reason this person is likely 'shocked' people are defending the Mother in Law in question is it would not go that way on TikTok. I have a TikTok account to keep up with social media trends and my own kids, but I am constantly shocked with how this latest generation of parents have gone off the deep end. On one hand they demand grandparents not come visit the new baby at the hospital, not ask to hold the new baby or even visit for the first few months. They are not to mention their new grandchild on social media, or publicly say their names and all kinds of other nonsense. On the other hand, these same 'enlightened' parents complain they can never have a date night because no one offers to babysit. There's a reason for that.

Virgi’s Views @VirgisViews: “Idk who is at fault, not do I particularly care. I do think it is incredibly sad that these days so many families don’t support & want support through these life changing moments and aren’t open to accepting each other. I can’t imagine not having my mother with me when I gave birth. I pray to God that my DILs want me near soon after birth. I can’t imagine a family not there to help with dishes & food during postpartum. It’s so sad that so many of us don’t have a village in our own family and that so many of us don’t want their family to be part of their village. Boundaries mean to each person that they get their way rather than a limit on toxic behavior. Babies are dividing instead of unifying. Families are messy sometimes. Sometimes we are uncomfortable. We are strong enough to survive little inconveniences to allow families to participate in our joy.”

The birth of new babies should be family events. They aren't property to be used as bargaining chips. They are separate humans who can benefit from the love of a whole family. Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents and Cousins add whole beautiful dimensions to a child's life. Are the parents the MOST important figures to a child? Yes, of course. Does that mean the rest of the family doesn't have a vested interest in the well being of the child? Of course not. Parents who selfishly keep their offspring from others who also love them are selfish and doing them a huge disservice. -- Monica ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 @Utterly_Jean: “I really don't understand this. With my first I was so tired that I was happy to give my newborn to my dad so I could rest for a little bit.”

New mothers are famously exhausted. When they behave in an overwrought and overly emotional fashion such as refusing to allow a grandparent to briefly hold a child, it may be time for Dad to check in and ensure his wife is rested and eating healthy meals. This is a time when steady leadership from a Father is important. -- Erin Ealey King @EEEaley: “The restraint this Mom is showing. 😬 We had to kick out guests when our oldest was an infant (pre-covid era).” -- Erin Ealey King @EEEaley: “I’ve used my rowing machine 2x in the last couple days. I haven’t used in so long. I’ve been so emotionally drained lately I’ve not taken care of myself well. What do yall do as incentive to keep working out? 🚣‍♀️”

As a little test, I grabbed one of the tweets of a woman defending the new Mom in the video. I decided to scroll her timeline to see if she complained about being overwhelmed often. I only had to go back a few weeks to find her tweet of being emotionally drained. Guess why many Moms are so drained emotionally, spiritually and physically? They are trying to do it all alone. They've idolized motherhood and doing it 'their way' perfectly and up to 'Pinterest' standards, they've lost themselves. Rather than share their children with their eager families and give themselves a break, they tightly cling to this preconceived notion to their own detriment. Americans have taken individualism a bit too far. You need to depend on family, your friends and your church. You need to allow your children to know their relatives. You need to let your kids eat candy at Grammy's and not worry about it. When you open your life to all of these experiences, you are rewarded with people happy to watch your kids so you can take an exercise class or go to dinner. They want to be with your children because it is not a stressful situation for all involved.

The Scarlet Bitch 💥 @illuminatedlex: “I’d simply call the cops. Not arguing with my mom or his about this after leaving the hospital with my kewchie sewn shut.” -- Suggesting calling the police on a grandparent eager to hold their grandchild is actual deranged behavior. I am so blessed my children enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my parents. My Dad retired early at 59 to be with my son. My Dad died when my son was 20 and my son misses him desperately. My Dad taught him how to be a man. He taught him how to fish, how to tie a tie, how to repair things and how to take care of the women in his family. I would have robbed my son of some of the best parts of his life had I kept my son away. If you are having a baby and I can say one thing to you, it would be, allow all of your family to love your child. If you are a new grandparent going to visit the new baby, bring dinner, flowers for Mom, a sweet treat and offer to buy her favorite drink on the way.

Ericson McDowell @Ericson_McD: “I find it so weird how many of you take the mother-in-law's side. There's no reason she NEEDS to be involved immediately. If the mother said 3 months? Fine. 3 months it is. Respect it. The MiL barged into their house and demanded to hold the baby after being told to stay away.” -- Just Mindy 🐊 @just_mindy: “This new generation really is crazy. Wait 3 months to allow grandparents to meet a grandchild because the mother is a hormonal basket case. No, a REAL MAN explains to his wife that their family will see the new child and helps her come to grip with reality. Tells her to take a nap.” -- TN Val @TN_Val_: “I held my grandson in the hospital, and nothing happened to him. This is a love that exceeds any words. To hold the child of your child is priceless.” https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ggt6IYcXQAENyAP?format=jpg&name=medium -- Don't rob your parents or your child of this beautiful and God ordained relationship.