How to mentally cope with the fear of never having children, never married, lonely, and dying alone

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In this video, we will discuss how to mentally cope with the fear of never having children, the fear of never having a true partner in life, and dying alone and lonely.

“Dying alone” seem to be the two words best able to bring a chill to the heart of every childless person.

And it would appear that it’s quite close to the surface in other people’s minds too, as it so often gets thrown at childfree-by-choice people as what they’ll live to regret. And yet… if we break the taboo and take a good look at this particular boogyman, what we’ll find is a mixture of genuine human fear mixed with cultural hysteria.

We’re all born alone and we all die alone. That’s how it works.
But it’s not death we fear, it’s old age. It’s not being able to go to the bathroom or feed ourselves and not having someone kind to help us. It’s not death we fear, but loneliness, invisibility and insignificance. We fear our vulnerability, our loss of independence.

One of the many unknowables of old age is that we can’t predict if we’ll be a sprightly, twinkly, independent old-person or a pain-bound, addled and confused one. The chances are that, like all things, it’ll probably be a bit of both.

Having children is no guarantee of care in old age.
One of the bonuses of parenthood is that it creates an illusion that we don’t have to worry about our old age; that our children will take care of us. However, if parents were to allow themselves to really think about it, they’d realize that having children is no guarantee of care in old age.

How many people do you know who no longer have any contact with some of their children? Or whose children have died or require life-long care themselves? How many people do you know who have an old age to look forward to with a child you wouldn’t trust to park your car, let alone choose your nursing home?

Old age can be cruel. Or kind. It’s life, and not immune to twists and turns.

Fear of old age is just that, Fear.
If you were to die in a month’s time, would you die alone or would you die surrounded by friends wishing you well on your journey? So what makes you think that you’re going to be such a different person in twenty, thirty or even forty years time that the same might not be true then? Are you planning to fall out with absolutely everyone! Do you think you’re incapable of making new friends to replace those you have ‘lost’ to parenthood? And don’t you think just a few of those might come out to play again once their kids have left home?

Fear of old age is fear of a loss of control. That we can’t make life turn out the way we want. Coming to terms with not having a family when that’s what you expected, hoped for and dreamed of, has changed you. You’ve come face to face with the fact that no matter how ‘good’ or ‘deserving’ you are, shit happens. That despite a culture that tells us that everything can be fixed if you throw enough money at it, it’s not true. And once you’ve grieved the loss of that future, that identity, you are psychologically mature in a way very few ‘grown-ups’ are these days. You’ve looked your own genetic death in the face, and survived.