if i don't lose sumin i didn't live that day *here go you some paranoia

i have been experiencing somewhat of a meltdown
it's the holidays n tmrw is my bday so this just makes sense
this just reminds me of everything else i have ever lost
wouldn't i notice these things
my attention span is off to say the least
and i can't even be excited about the video that i wanted to shoot
this is probably the fifth time that i've had to replace a debit card
my instinct is correct
every single day i am crying over sumin
i really am my own worst enemy
anything involving $
there's gotta be a hole in my brain
who knew this shit was possible, i was talking about this in a video before i went into the grocery store
w/in 5min the world turned against me
imma try to not do any drugs n see if that helps
plants make it easier to look at this shit world
really lucky to have the outlets that i do
ronnit is the older jewish version of me
it's the mfing point damnit
ag is why we can't have nice things
i totalled my last car, i appreciated it up until the bitter end
this guilt complex follows me around
God totally understands
i can't keep myself together if my life depended on it
the separation is a constant
always on the outside analyzing
everybody is doin it and nobody knows why
you do not have a dis-ease
make weed counter-culture again
what do we have in common?
the only dictator is your phone
shrinks are shitty drug dealers that never go to jail
personal responsibility is cool!
guess i gotta cancel my credit card
i didn't go to bed last night til after 6am
it's a cope AND a relief at the same time
any kinda rites of passage is so nauseatingly pretentious
take away the camera, most wouldn't go
people are bad parents cos they're living thru their kids
in order to get along w/ my fambly i have to just be quiet haha
i am so jealous of happy families, must be nice
last day of being 38, gotta make it count
beating myself up won't make my card reappear
all the self-knowledge still don't stuff the hole in my brain
what if the last straw was another lost credit card
i don't have a firearm for many reasons