Gaffigan Mocks Kamala Harris’ Al Smith Video Message: Now I Know How My Kids Felt When I FaceTimed Them to a Recital

GAFFIGAN: “Vice President Harris did have a scheduling conflict, but was generous enough to send us this video. Let’s take a look.”

[Clip starts]
Harris: “ Your Eminence and distinguished guests, the Al Smith Dinner provides a rare opportunity to set aside partisanship — “
UNKNOWN: “Sorry, sorry.”
Harris: “What’s going on? Who was that?”
UNKNOWN: “Sorry. Mary Catherine Allen. Mary Catherine Allen, it’s so nice to meet you.”
Harris: “Very nice to meet you, Mary Catherine. Right now I’m trying to record my speech for tonight’s dinner.”
UNKNOWN: “Oh, yeah, I know. I just want to say that I’m a Catholic and tonight is one the biggest dinners next to the Last Supper.”
Harris: “It is a very important dinner and it’s an important tradition, and I’m so proud to be a part of.”
UNKNOWN:” Sometimes when I get nervous, I stick my fingers into my arms and I smell them like that. But that’s gross.”
Harris: “Tell me something. I’m giving a speech, you have some thoughts on what I would say tonight?”
UNKNOWN: “My feelings what to say tonight would be best expressed in a monologue from one of my favorite made-for-TV series.”
Harris: “Okay, let’s hear it.”
UNKNOWN: “Don’t you see, man? We need a woman to represent us. A woman brings more heart, more compassion. And think how smart she must be to become a top contender in a field dominated by men. It’s time for a woman, borough! And with this woman, we can fly!”
Harris: “What series was that from?”
UNKNOWN: “That’s from ‘House of Dragons, now streaming on HBO MAX.”
Harris: “Is there anything that you think that maybe I should not bring up tonight?”
UNKNOWN: “Don’t lie. Thou shalt not bear false witness to thy neighbor.”
Harris: “Indeed, especially thy neighbor’s election results.”
UNKNOWN: “Just so you know, there will be a fact-checker there tonight.”
Harris: “Oh, that’s great, who?”
UNKNOWN: “Jesus. And maybe don’t say anything negative about Catholics.”
Harris: “I would never do that no matter where I was. That would be like criticizing Detroit in Detroit.”
UNKNOWN: “Does it bother you that that Trump guy insult you all the time? Because it really bothers my friends and me.”
Harris: “Oh, Mary Catherine, it’s very important to always remember you should never let anyone tell you who you are. You tell them who you are.”
UNKNOWN: Haters gonna hate, hate, hate. Shake it off?”
Harris: “Shake it off.”
UNKNOWN: “Shake it off.”
Harris: “Shake it off.”
UNKNOWN: “Okay. And also remember one more thing: don’t worry if you make a mistake, Catholic people are very forgiving. And also, one last thing I want to tell you, don’t forget to say, ‘Superstar!’”
Harris: “Thank you, Mary Catherine.”
UNKNOWN: “Thank you, Momala.”
Harris: “Thank you. Your Eminence and distinguished guests, the Al Smith Dinner provides a rare opportunity to set aside partisanship and come together to do some good by supporting the tremendous charitable work of the Catholic church. The church cares for the sick and feeds the hungry. Supports families with housing and education and in times of disaster, provides not only essential supplies, but also, and so importantly, a sense of hope. The Gospel of Luke tells us that faith has the power to shine a light on those living in darkness and to guide our feet in the path of peace. In the spirit of tonight’s dinner, let us recommit to reaching across divides, to seek understanding and common ground. And in honor of the great Al Smith, let us fight to build a better future with faith in God, our country, and in each other. Thank you, may God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.”
[Clip ends]

(Cheering and Applause)
GAFFIGAN: “I don’t even know what that noise you are making is. I don’t know, as I watch that, I could not help but think of, now I know how my kids felt when I face-timed them to a piano recital they were at. Anyway...
(Laughter and Applause)
That only makes sense if you travel a lot.”