The nightmares caused by the abortions came to an end due to God’s infinite Grace

When I was 23, I had two abortions at the demand of my then mother-in-law. She thought that I was newly married and didn’t have enough financial standing to be able to raise a child.

I didn’t consider abortion a big deal since I didn’t know or see the fetuses. However, for a few years after that, I felt depressed and very unhappy, as if a big stone was weighing down my heart.

I also saw the two babies that I lost — a boy and a girl. They had grown up and had been staying around me. When I was in samadhi, the girl came to me, crying that she was bullied and her nails were ripped, causing unbearable pain. She kept crying, “Mommy, it hurts.” The boy also came, saying that he was starving and suffering very much. He blamed me for not giving birth to him.