90 in 90 - Day 7 - Willingness

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Willingness is the foundation of any progress towards recovery. This requires actively wanting to change, and therefore having the wiliness to examine, and adjust, my behavior, attitudes and nearly every part of my life. This doesn't come without a cost. In some areas of my life, when willingness was seemingly impossible, I had to pray for the willingness to be willing.

Nothing about willingness came naturally to me. The pain that preceeded each newfound desire to become willing was from some event, or crash that inspired this willingness to change. I had always wished that, at least early on, that my desire to change could happen without the catastrophic event, but that wasn't my case. Mercifully, it has gotten better, but it takes time. Time takes time. My willingness to stop the suffering and grow the desire to being open to new ideas, new behaviors, and a new way of living was getting to be more of a habit the more I practiced it.

Just like recovery, willingness is for those who want it, not those who need it. And it works. In my life, Willingness opened the door to honesty, self-reflection, and most importantly, action. For so long, I had resisted any change out of fear. Fear of change of change. In my worst days, I desired the comfort of the familiar, even when the familiar behavior was painfully unhealthy and destructive.

I had become, and am, in many ways, a creature of habit. But in recovery, I understand that staying the same means staying stuck. And the habits I develop today give so much more than they take.
My willingness, to act my way into a better life usually involved the suggestions from my predecessors. The willingness to listen to others with similar experiences, and look for the similarities and not the differences, was key. The willingness to be brutally honest with myself was a must. They told me, It's one thing to lie to others, clearly that is bad, but it is much worse to lie to myself. Learning that I must let go of old patterns to be open to growth, especially when it’s uncomfortable. When I embrace willingness, I open the door to transformation, and that's where true healing begins.

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