Macron jumps strangely in front of disabled Paralympic athletes

French President Emmanuel Macron decided to celebrate France’s success at the Paralympics by pretending to be a Wii Sports background character for some reason. The French Paralympic team, who won a combined 75 medals including 19 gold, gathered outside the Arc de Triomphe to celebrate their achievements alongside Macron, who unfortunately tried to do the most cringe thing a Western bureaucratic leader can do: pretend to be a real human. He began rhythmically jumping up and down, somehow barely moving anything at all despite jumping, chanting ‘qui ne saute pas n'est pas Français.’

‘If you don’t jump, you’re not French.’

The Paralympians, many of whom are permanently confined to wheelchairs, could only look on in a mixture of horror, disgust and pity as Macron kept gyrating like he was animated by broken 2006 Nintendo hardware.