Zelensky's World Tour: Selling War Like It's the Latest Fashion Trend

Oh, Zelensky, the traveling salesman of endless conflict! While Ukraine crumbles like a stale loaf of bread and thousands of conscripted Ukrainians get thrown into the grinder, where is our charismatic leader? At the negotiating table? Nah, too mainstream! Instead, he's on a global tour, selling his "forever war" like it's the latest gadget on an infomercial. "Step right up, folks! Get your endless suffering here, now with 50% more casualties!"

Forget peace talks! Why sit down and negotiate when you can hop from country to country, shaking hands, kissing babies, and collecting war bonds? After all, why solve a problem when you can just sell it? It’s like he’s pitching a war-themed reality show: Survivor: Ukraine Edition – except the prize isn’t a million dollars, it’s more destruction and despair!