CONSTIPATED? You Were MEANT To See This! Protocols + Education *Not Professional Medical Advice

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Constipation is like that unwelcome houseguest who overstays their visit, making themselves comfortable in your gut while you pray they’d just leave already. It’s that awkward silence in your digestive system where things just aren’t moving, no matter how much you plead with your colon to cooperate. And as if feeling bloated and backed up isn’t bad enough, constipation tends to bring along some equally unpleasant companions.

First, let’s talk about the bad breath. Imagine your intestines as a long highway, and right now, there’s a traffic jam somewhere between last week’s burrito and yesterday’s kale smoothie. With nowhere to go, gases start backing up too, and before you know it, your breath smells like you’ve been chewing on socks that were marinated in garlic. Yes, constipation doesn’t just mess with your rear end; it can turn your mouth into a toxic waste site that even your toothbrush fears.

Then there’s the body odor. When your insides aren’t moving, your outsides start to take the hit. Toxins that would usually be whisked away end up sticking around, and your sweat glands start working overtime to compensate. The result? A funk that lingers longer than an overripe cheese in a closed car. You might feel like you’re walking around with a permanent “do not approach” sign, courtesy of your digestive system.

But wait, there’s more! Chronic constipation can sometimes pave the way for even more delightful issues like colitis or diverticulitis. These conditions make your colon feel like it’s been through a boxing match, and just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, enter anal fissures and hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are like those pesky party crashers that show up uninvited and then refuse to leave. And anal fissures? They’re the painful reminders that your body is capable of both awe-inspiring feats and infuriating betrayals.

So, if you find yourself in this predicament, don’t despair. Instead, consider it a not-so-gentle nudge from your body to treat it right. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll avoid the dreaded consequence of being both constipated and socially distanced, not because of a virus, but because of an unfortunate cloud of stink.

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