When a Christian insists God is evil but cannot say it aloud—Part 3

Hi, it’s Mrs Dumpling again. I see some traffic for the part 2 video yesterday but not part 1, the necessary preamble, so, please, check both of them out right now on this channel.
I’m currently going through my diaries to find my self-concept affirmations which did the impossible for me: bring me Mr Dumpling even though he blocked me and there was a third party. One thing I noticed was the line “I'd sooner change my religion than let my dreams be dashed” and I guess it somehow manifests as me ditching the standard Christian dating advice to use manifestation and that worked. I have gone through too many times of giving up on my desires because some Christian, well-meaning or not, told me that’s it’s not God’s will. I’m shamed to have dreams while the devil’s people are encouraged to follow their heart, and that’s why we have so much pain and suffering and upheaval of traditional morals in the world. When the good are told their desires are ungodly while the evil’s ones flames are fanned, to be honest, what kind of God is running the show? Huh?
I want to talk about the pattern of internal versus external locus of control found very much in the realm of self-help and positive thought. It’s a pattern I observe in all such literature that when a person takes sole responsibility of their lives, having the internal locus of control, instead of the external which is blaming God, parents, upbringing, environment, economy, et cetera, then such a responsible person’s mindset and life circumstances must necessarily improve. Now I must confess that Christianity, not the way it’s taught directly in the Bible, but the way it’s taught everywhere else, is that somehow there is a numinous force that is not just out of our control but also can frustrate your best intentions and efforts if you somehow happen not to be acting in accordance to God’s sovereign will. After learning manifestation, though, I just say, bin it, there is no such thing as God’s sovereign will because all states exist and all timelines exist and the correct God is so big He’s happy with any outcome. Also, I can vent at God all the seemingly heretical things I said in my previous videos because if He can’t take it, then He must be a very small God, so small, He’s not worthy of my worship. Only a big God can take it when I lash out at Him.
Speaking of lashing out, I’d like to touch on persecution. In the past I’d thought of Christian persecution as needless suffering. Just shut up and all peace. Endure for a little while longer, and somehow things will get better and I’ll go scotch free. But no. The ultimate reality is our world is our mind projected out, and therefore Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act. This is a Dietrich Bonhoeffer quote. Even the dark night of the soul is temporary, just as fleeting as one’s greatest triumph. All momentary. So Ernest Hemingway is correct in his timeless verse in his poem spelt I F em dash: If you can dream, em dash, and not make dreams your master; If you can think, em dash, and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; Again, if we worship a big internal God who accepts us at our worst and can take our insults, the best way to demonstrate this God is to be a person who can face people at their worst and take all the hit pieces and slurs and harmful words aimed at us, and confront them, and still emerge victorious because circumstances do not matter. For the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. Second Corinthians chapter 4 verse 18 B. More on this verse next time.
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Video by Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/video/close-up-view-of-a-person-reading-a-bible-5199729/
Video by Deeana Arts: https://www.pexels.com/video/woman-kneeling-on-her-knees-praying-hard-3530539/
Video by Kelly : https://www.pexels.com/video/protesters-on-the-street-4623570/