World’s worst arsonist sets himself on fire

The world’s worst arsonist is on the run (or, at least, on the limp) after setting himself on fire instead. Two masked men were attempting to break into, and burn down a small business in Richmond, British Columbia. This plan seemed to apparently involve making a tiny hole in the shutters, setting the hole slightly on fire, then throwing an entire canister of gasoline through the hole in the forlorn hope that it magically passes through the fire, then the hole, lands at the back of the building, and only then catches on fire.

This plan did not work.

Instead, one of the arsonists lit the hole and ran away like a little girl, and the other started shaking the can of gas right next to the open flame. The resulting minor explosion did little damage to the building but immediately set the clueless arsonist’s pants on fire. He tried to tell his accomplice that his pants were on fire, but he didn’t believe him. Screaming in terror, the arsonist’s mask fell off, showing the CCTV camera recording the sorry affair his face, as he tried and failed to stop, drop and roll. Eventually his accomplice noticed he was on fire, and came to his aid. Well, we say aid, but he didn’t actually put the fire out.

Now, the Mounties are involved. Corporal Adriana O’Malley, Richmond RCMP Media Relations Officer, said that they were currently on the lookout for the suspect, and gave the public a crucial piece of identifying information.

‘There’s a high probability that this suspect sustained injuries to his lower body,’ she said about the man whose legs were on fire. O’Malley is clearly gunning for a promotion from Corporal, to Captain of the Obvious.

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