River of millipedes sparks panic in Taiwan

Tour guides in the Hsüeh-Pa National Park, Taiwan were baffled, nauseated and terrified by what can only be described as a river of millipedes grossly flowing down the park. Despite its impressive length, it was a nimble navigator – the river stretched for 50 horrible meters, and spanned four meters in width, writhing and wriggling and being impossibly weird for those 200 square meters. The guide was confused, but ultimately came to the conclusion that something extremely bad was going to happen, possibly involving an unholy amount of millipedes.

Cue a viral video, and a mass panic, with millions assuming the million ’pedes were a portent of squiggly doom. So far, the millipedes have failed to predict the end of the world, something that Taiwanese officials were keen to point out as they tried, like everyone else, to distance themselves from the river of millipedes. Rumors that the millipedes were fleeing a potential earthquake spread almost as fast as the millipedes themselves, but the park quashed the rumors immediately and reprimanded their tour guide for not understanding deep millipede lore. They pointed out that a) millipedes do not have magic earthquake sensing powers, despite what TikTokers think, and that b) they just do this sometimes, migrating en masse. Like birds flying south for the winter, except not flying, and having up to a thousand legs.

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