Squelching Campus Unrest National Champions!

Bill’s Alma Mater, the University of Florida, has taken a decidedly anti-Columbia stance toward the wave of campus unrest spreading across the nation. It has issued a clearly-worded memorandum of what will and will not be tolerated, and best of all — mirabile dictu! — it has real teeth when it comes to enforcement: a 3 YEAR SUSPENSION for students and IMMEDIATE TERMINATION for prog-fessors! Who knew restoring order could be so easy… except for every conservative in the country, obviously?

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