Should Side Chicks Feel Guilty?

Should Side Chicks Feel Guilty?
Head vs Heart is a web series where sex expert Shannon gives your questions two diferent answers and the viewers vote on which answer is the better advice.Show more

This week's question:
Hey so I met this guy on Tinder and we were both looking for a friends with benefits deal so it worked out. However, while spending more time together it became clear something meaningful was developing. Then, 2 months into getting to know each other I found out through Instagram he is in a long distance relationship. When I confronted him on it he opened up and told me how unhappy he is with her and how I was like a blessing to him. It’s been two months since then and he has gone to see his girlfriend a couple of times – while we aren’t together, I was a lil annoyed because even though he has a girl I hardly remember he does. Anyway now we are closer than ever but I can’t help but wonder if what I am doing is so wrong or not?

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Transcript
A: One of my absolute favourite truths is, you are never wrong for how you feel. So no, your feelings for this guy – even though he is technically taken are not wrong. The timing may not be the best but the pureness of what you feel and what you two are experiencing in growing in intimacy – is one of the most beautiful things about being alive. You start going wrong when you stop being honest about what you want for yourself. Forget feeling guilty for someone else, tune in with how this situation makes you feel about yourself. It’s great that you both began in clarity in wanting a no strings relationship but is that still the case? In addition are you comfortable with his strings being tangled in someone else? Be honest if he wasn’t in a relationship would you want to be exclusive? If yes, then you need to reassess, if no keep going with the flow.
B: Forget feeling guilty for someone else? Is that what you said?
A: all is fair in love and hearbreak and there is no straight road to happily ever after. So yes, while it isn’t ideal it also isn’t her responsibility to fix someone else’s relationship
B: I am gonna have to deal with you later. Sister, find a love that is all your own. If you were the one you would be the one and not the silent two (probably 3, 4, or 5). A person who is willing to slump in the shadows is no help to anyone since they do not know how to create the space for self let alone help someone else grow – because that is the point of relationships right? As long as you are okay being someone’s dirty secret hell no, how you are conducting yourself is not okay. If it were okay all parties involved would be privy to the situation and just as cool with it as you are. There is also something to be said in acting out of solidarity as women – even to those we don’t know – if you are comfortable swapping bodily fluids with her, is sharing the truth really such a ridiculous notion?
A: That’s the man’s responsibility. If their long-distance, strained relationship is so bad, who is to say his girlfriend isn’t doing the same. It’s easy for us to say, well just walk away from each other then. But let’s face it, there is a reason why many people stay in unhappy homes- addiction. It sounds like your guy is addicted to his current girlfriend but no longer feels connected to her. Chemically we can become so bonded with someone that breaking free from them is not unlike trying to quit smoking. And anyone who has quit smoking successfully will tell you, it took taking up a new healthy activity like meditation or exercise before they were strong enough to let go of the bad. By being a supportive, honest, positive person in his life you may become just that. And best of all, you are enjoying each other in the process.
B: The real problem with you and what women who are comfortable playing your sneaky position is – is that you fail to acknowledge that you wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for the relationship you are trying to save him from. Because you can’t have standards, can’t get mad, can’t be emotional – you can’t be any of the things that his real, meaningful and challenging relationship entails. You have become his cheat day. You are McDonald’s: fast, easy going down and quick to go out. And as much as we all love a cheat day, please believe we wouldn’t throw our meal plan, that nourishes us, out of the window for seven days of Happy Meals.

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