Morbius: The Vampire Superhero Movie That Sucks More Than Blood

Madame Web has just spun Sony’s most laughably pathetic entry in its Marvel universe to date, which now has Awfully Good Movies revisiting the previously most pathetic Sony-Marvel installment starring Jared Leto as the living vampire turned Internet laughing stock… MORBIUS!

With Venom 1 & 2 overcoming the haters to rake in big box office, Sony further exploited its share of the Spider-Man rights with Marvel and Disney with a solo film for Peter Parker’s vampiric foe that no one was asking for, with Jared Leto yet again making us reconsider his Oscar playing a thankfully less obnoxious comic book bad guy than the Joker. But even his Method dedication can’t liven up this pointless Spider-Man spinoff whose only connection to the MCU is a cameo from Michael Keaton as the Vulture that could have been a Zoom call, and whose only saving grace is Matt Smith as Morbius’ foster brother turned fellow vampire having fun with this like the garbage it is.

Unless you want to see what a superhero movie from 2002 would look like in the year 2022, with entire subplots and lines of dialogue from the film’s trailers nowhere to be found in the final cut (looking at you, Tyrese Gibson!), then I’d say the cinema masterpiece that these memes are jokingly describing would probably be a far more enjoyable watch than the actual Morbius movie, no matter how many theatrical re-releases that Sony gets fooled into.

Awfully Good Movies will (probably) return in August 2024 with its review of Madame Web, now playing in theaters and coming soon to an ad-supported streaming service near you.