Taxpayer-Funded Taylor Swift “News” on the ABC

This will probably be my first and only video on American singer-songwriter Taylor Swift (unless of course, 30 years in the future she becomes President of the United States or something). I’m not going to be too critical here as she is worth 1.1 billion USD meaning whatever she’s doing, she’s doing it pretty well. Not to mention that almost everybody I know likes her, so I’ll tread a little bit carefully in this presentation. But the key is to put on lots of lipstick, keep your mouth slightly open, show your front teeth, and look seductively at the audience. Sorry, I promise, that’s the only wisecrack I’ll make. I’ve got it out of my system now.

First, I’d just like to point out, I don’t like fame and celebrity if you weren’t already aware. I don’t gush over people. I think celebrities are just like you and me, only more well known and worth more. But Taylor Swift mania, in my opinion, has got a little bit out of control of late. Let me explain.

I was at the dentist not too long ago, a guy I guess in his 30s. And guess who he likes? Taylor Swift! He couldn’t stop talking about her. Problem is, when I’m dosed up on lidocaine, or whatever, and he’s got his hands in my mouth, I can’t respond. I just have to shut up and listen. Him and his assistant were going on about the upcoming concert in Melbourne at the time, and how he missed out on buying the cheaper tickets, but ended up paying $800 for tickets for him and his wife. I don’t know if that’s $800 each, or $800 for two, but either way, it’s expensive. Not to mention the travel costs to get from Brisbane to Melbourne, plus hotel stays and the like. Cost of living crisis? What cost of living crisis? To be fair, he is a dentist, so I guess his salary is pretty good. My bill came close to $500, so I guess that contributed somewhat towards the tickets. He was going on about how it’s such a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and he many never have the chance to see her again (even though she’s been here twice in two years, hasn’t she?). And he was going on about how she’s the “seminal singer of our generation”. As I said, I was loaded up with lidocaine, so had very little to say on the matter.

As I said, I don’t get how people gush over celebrities. It doesn’t make sense to me. I do not get that feeling.

People are actually tracking Taylor Swift’s private jet, which her team doesn’t like very much issuing the perpetrator a cease and desist, even though he’s only using public information to track the jet.

Fans, fanatics, whatever you want to call them, were waiting in the cold in Melbourne in the middle of the night trying to catch a glimpse of the star as she disembarked from her plane a hundred metres away or whatever. The best photo they got was a zoomed up photo of the airport ground crew who had a better vantage point and were also trying to catch a glimpse of Ms Swift. Of course, all the media outlets sent out their finest reporters to the airport filming her plane landing and so on.

According to recent news, Taylor Swift went to an Italian restaurant. Taylor Swift went to the zoo. Taylor Swift’s boyfriend Travis arrived at the airport on his private jet. Yes, this is considered breaking news. Man, the carbon footprint between them must be staggering!

Of course, the ABC haven’t stooped to such lowbrow reporting. It’s beneath them. Oh wait, “It feels like Swift is the biggest thing to ever land in Sydney” “How much will Taylor Swift make from merchandise at her Sydney shows?” “Taylor Swift dines in Surry Hills while fans queue for merchandise” “Superstar Taylor Swift touches down in Sydney” Plastic bead shortage after Taylor Swift bracelet craze”. You get the idea. But even stories that are only slightly related are making the headlines on the ABC, “Bedside vigil for girl who was critically injured in crash that killed sister on Taylor Swift trip.” I wonder if she was headed to Aldi instead of the Taylor Swift concert, would it have made such big headlines? Hmm.

Look, I don’t really blame the media. Taylor Swift brings in the money wherever she goes. I’m not even really that upset by the mania around her. People obviously like her, and wherever she travels to, she literally boosts the economy. She gives people jobs. All those hundreds of people who help to set up her concerts, all the security staff, cleaners, ticket sellers, merchandise vendors, plastic bead factories. They’re all profiting because of Taylor Swift. And now she’s a billionaire because of it. Some might even argue that I’m profiting from her by making this video. (Although, I suspect most of my regular viewers won’t be watching this.) It’s just that, as I said, I just don’t give a hoot about celebrities. They don’t particularly interest me, and I don’t get any feelings of excitement when I see them. Anyway, that’s my take on Taylor Swift mania, and as I said, I won’t be talking about her again (unless of course she becomes the president).

MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn