Security guard fired after eating art exhibit for no reason

An idea occurred to a bored security guard at a Moscow exhibition: let’s eat the art. And we’re not talking about some wacky foodstuff pretending to be art, oh no, this was a fake goldfish bowl. No, us neither. The semi-eaten art was on display at Moscow’s VDNKHh exhibition center and portrayed the ‘Escape of the Goldfish.’ Like the name implies, it was a fake goldfish bowl, with a fake goldfish, fake escaping into a painting. But the madness that descended over the guard, that was real.

Calmly guarding the art and making sure it didn’t do anything illegal, he suddenly mainlined over to the fish and began picking at it. The picking turned to prying and within seconds he had braced the painting and was yanking at the fake goldfish, which was very strongly glued to it. This was no match, however. One almighty yank and the fake goldfish’s escape was thwarted and the guard had his prize. Then, for no reason whatsoever, he began eating it. As he chewed the chewy chewiness of the fake fish’s fake fin, a disappointment descended. Perhaps he thought he’d nabbed a real goldfish glued to the painting, or perhaps the urge to devour art on a low-quality camera was a metacontemporary commentary on mindless consumption of hollow media. It is impossible to say.

All we know is that it didn’t taste very nice, and his excuse of ‘I was tired’ was deemed rather less creative than the artwork he failed to eat. We don't know exactly how you un-eat a fish, but since it was apparently restored, someone must have found a way. The goldfish may not have escaped, but the security guard certainly did. From his job.

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Freedom over censorship, truth over narrative.
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