Happy Australia Day from the Shadow Minister For Doing Nothing Senator Papahatziharalambrous

Happy Australia Day from the Shadow Minister For Doing Nothing Senator Papahatziharalambrous 👊⚔️🇦🇺Show more

*Speech starts at 1:04 #ForAustralia!

Happy Australia Day! Have A Grouse Day Down Under And Cheers To An Even Better Night - If Ya Know What I Mean!

G'day to all you top blokes and sexy sheilas out there! It's your old mate, Senator Papahatziharalambrous, the Shadow Minister For Doing Nothing, coming to you live from the land Down Under. Now, as you kick back and celebrate Australia Day, I thought I'd share a few pearls of wisdom, a dash of humor, and, of course, some fair dinkum Aussie larrikin spirit.

First things first, cheers to this great country of ours! Australia might not officially be the greatest on the planet, but between you and me, it's a close call. We've got more critters that can kill you than anywhere else, including our politicians and CHO's and don't get me started on drop bears – sneaky buggers.

Now, let me tell you, I've been doing more nothing than any politician in Aussie history. I've had more beers in Parliament sessions than our current PM Alco, which is hard to believe, and I've conducted more late-night shaggings with MILFS, err meetings in the upper bogan house - strictly with the permission of the women involved of course - to show that I’m not actually doing nothing at all unlike our Elected Representatives.

But let's talk about our unreal elected representatives. What a bunch of rats, eh? It's time to tip them out, drain the billabong of bureaucratic nonsense, and Make Australia Grouse Again! I mean, really, have you ever seen a politician do anything useful? Me neither.

As we raise a glass (or a can, let's keep it real) to Australia, let's not forget the simple joys that make this place bonza. Our beaches, our BBQs, and, most importantly, our ability to call each other mates regardless of whether we've met once or never.

So, as you celebrate Australia Day, remember, this might not be the perfect country, but it's as close as you can get. And to those who think I'm not doing anything in Parliament – well, you're spot on! I'm the Shadow Minister For Doing Nothing, and I take my job seriously.

Let’s remember the five groundbreaking tasks that have defined my tenure as the Shadow Minister For Doing Nothing:

1. The Committee Conundrum: I took the bold step of convening the "Committee for the Advancement of Doing Nothing." Our meetings were legendary for achieving absolutely fark all. We discussed important matters, passed motions (on doing nothing), and adjourned promptly without making any decisions. It's like we were never there.

2. The Inbox Black Hole: In my term, I've successfully transformed my inbox into a black hole of productivity. Emails go in, and well, they stay there. No replies, no actions taken—just a vortex of unanswered correspondence. The art of non-communication is truly a skill.

3. More Nothing: This was my initiative of the decade. You’re welcome!

4. The Grand Speech Spectacle: I graced the imaginary Parliament with a speech that will be remembered for generations. It was a masterpiece of rhetoric, a symphony of words, and a marvel of oratory. And the best part? It was about absolutely nothing. A standing ovation for the speech that achieved precisely zero legislative changes.

5. The Monument to Inactivity: In a stroke of bureaucratic genius, I proposed the construction of the "Monument to Inactivity." Picture this: a grand structure symbolizing the epitome of doing nothing. The best part? Construction never began, ensuring the monument remains a testament to our commitment to idleness.

Have a ripper of a day, chuck the lamb chops, gyros and snags on the barbie, and let's keep the Aussie spirit alive. Here's to us, the true-blue Aussies who know how to celebrate and have a grouse Australia Day!

Cheers,

Senator Papahatziharalambrous, the Shadow Minister For Doing Nothing and don't forget to 'Provoke The State With Satire' #ForAustralia! 👊⚔️🇦🇺

God Bless Australia!