4 months ago

KIMMEL: “Hey, you know who else didn’t get a rose? Ron DeSantis. Yesterday, Ron DeSantis announced he is suspending his futile campaign for president of the United States.”
(Cheering and Applause)

[Clip starts]
DeSantis: “If there’s anything I could do to produce a favorable outcome, more campaign stops, more interviews, I would do it. But I can’t ask our supporters to volunteer their time and donate their resources if we don’t have a clear path to victory. Accordingly, I am today suspending my campaign. I’m proud to have delivered on 100% of my promises, and I will not stop now.”
[Clip ends]

KIMMEL:: “They can never take his dignity away. It’s estimated that Ron DeSantis spent $2,263 per vote he got. It literally would have been cheaper to buy each of his supporters a Peloton bike. DeSantis wrapped up his farewell speech with a quote from None other than Winston Churchill.”

[Clip ends]
DeSantis: “Winston Churchill once remarked that success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.”
[Clip ends]

KIMMEL: “Well, not only did DeSantis opt not to continue, Winston Churchill never said that. The state of Florida — you know, the state banned all books about Churchill after deciding the name Winston sounded too gay. Ron DeSantis didn’t know. He finished a distant second in Iowa. He was only polling around eight percent in New Hampshire. Sadly, he was unable to woo voters with his irresistible natural charisma and charm.”

[Clip starts]
DeSantis: “Oh, what is that?
KID: “An icee.”
DeSantis: “An icee? Yeah? That’s probably a lot of sugar, huh? Good to see you. All right.”
[Clip ends]

KIMMEL: “He’s particularly good with kids. It was only a matter of time before DeSantis dropped out. You could see the writing on the wall when six days before the Iowa caucuses, the head of his super PAC was caught on camera doing a puzzle. Well, now he’ll have plenty of time to finish that puzzle. I have to say, I’m a little bit sad to say goodbye to Ron DeSantis. When I look back on his campaign over the last few months, I think the thing I’ll miss most of all is that infectious smile of his.”

[Clip starts]
♪ You know I can’t smile without you ♪
♪ I can’t smile without you ♪
♪ I can’t laugh and I can’t sing ♪
♪ I’m finding it hard to do anything ♪
♪ I can’t smile without you ♪
♪ I can’t smile without you ♪
♪ I can’t laugh and I can’t sing ♪
♪ I’m finding it hard to do anything ♪
[Clip ends]

KIMMEL: “Look at that. Pure constipation. Such a cutie patootie.”

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